March 10, 2018 “Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster “Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo revealed today that the newest addition to the roster of the upcoming Nintendo Switch Super Smash Bros release will be a guy…
February 23, 2018 Cooking Mama Adds Battle Royale Survival Mode Cooking Mama Adds Battle Royale Survival Mode KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today via press release the acquisition of the Cooking Mama franchise with the goal to re-invent the title as a…
February 16, 2018 Here’s a Helpful Rundown of Dark Souls Lore for You Pathetic Nintendo Casuals Here’s a Helpful Rundown of Dark Souls Lore for You Pathetic Nintendo Casuals Dark Souls is coming out for the Nintendo Switch despite the fact Nintendo consoles are only for children. I would question FromSoftware’s decision to honor…
February 5, 2018 Mario Sent into Existential Crisis After Losing Go-Kart Race to Baby Version of Self Mario Sent into Existential Crisis After Losing Go-Kart Race to Baby Version of Self MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following the first race of this year’s 150cc Star Cup, Mario was sent into an existential crisis, having finished several places behind…
January 18, 2018 Nintendo Finally Manages to Sell Wii U Boxes Nintendo Finally Manages to Sell Wii U Boxes KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today that it will finally be able to make the Wii U a success by reselling the leftover boxes from…
December 3, 2017 Man Blowing Off PS Vita Accidentally Creates Second Great American Dust Bowl Man Blowing Off PS Vita Accidentally Creates Second Great American Dust Bowl COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — Middle America was forced into ruins again today after Landon Younger decided to play his long neglected Playstation Vita, blowing off…
November 24, 2017 Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo is preparing for the upcoming holiday season by making sure every remaining game and console are destroyed, with its critically lauded Switch…
November 22, 2017 Actors Playing Video Game in Ad Not Convincing Anybody Actors Playing Video Game in Ad Not Convincing Anybody HOUSTON — A recent focus group conducted by Nintendo found that while most polled thought the Switch console sounded like a lot of fun at…
November 17, 2017 Bethesda Employee Dead After Attempting to Port Skyrim Onto Own Body Bethesda Employee Dead After Attempting to Port Skyrim Onto Own Body ROCKVILLE, Md. — Bethesda Softworks employee Herbert Naples died today after attempting to transfer Skyrim, a popular fantasy video game, onto his body, according to…
