May 13, 2021 Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists NEW YORK — Residents of Earth 616’s New York City are reportedly wary of a new COVID-19 vaccine that was created by the top scientists…
April 23, 2021 Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up GENOSHA — Brotherhood of Mutants leader Magneto has vowed revenge on humanity for designing credit cards that are destroyed by magnets, making it impossible for…
March 24, 2021 Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When a Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When a Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America NORTH SALEM, N.Y. — Professor Charles Xavier, headmaster at Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, is reportedly at a loss as to how to utilize…
November 21, 2020 “With Great Power, Comes No Responsibility,” Cop Tells Spider-Man “With Great Power, Comes No Responsibility,” Cop Tells Spider-Man NEW YORK — New York police officer David Whitehead pulled Spider-Man aside today after teaming up to beat up a group of low-level drug dealers…
October 12, 2020 Tony Stark Announces Plan to Reverse Climate Change with Big Honkin’ Laser Tony Stark Announces Plan to Reverse Climate Change with Big Honkin’ Laser NEW YORK — Billionaire industrialist Tony Stark announced a proposal today that would solve the ongoing climate crisis by shooting a big ol’ honkin’ laser…
August 4, 2020 New Version of Batman Screams Constantly to Navigate in the Dark New Version of Batman Screams Constantly to Navigate in the Dark BURBANK, Calif. — DC Comics has announced the newest iteration of Batman, who will navigate through the cold, dark streets of Gotham by screaming continuously.…
June 15, 2020 We Apologize For Publishing Darkseid’s Anti-Life Equation We Apologize For Publishing Darkseid’s Anti-Life Equation We hear you. This is a fragile point in history, where every voice matters. Particularly when those voices are screaming in pain from the anti-life…
October 19, 2018 DC Announces Movie Adaptation of Superman 64 DC Announces Movie Adaptation of Superman 64 BURBANK, Calif. — Warner Brothers has announced that the next edition in the DC Extended Universe will be an adaptation of the Nintendo 64 video…
October 4, 2018 Stay Tuned After the Credits of Venom Because They Start That Fucker Over Stay Tuned After the Credits of Venom Because They Start That Fucker Over Of all the influence the Marvel Cinematic Universe has had on the comic book movie adaptation genre, none have been as much fun to watch…
