sonic

No DreamCast Classic: You Motherfuckers Had Your Chance to Buy One the First Time

Hiya kids, it’s me, your pal Sonic the Hedgehog! I am saying this one time and one time only, there…

6 years ago

Japanese Holdout Still Fighting Console War for Sega

HAGÅTÑA, Guam — Engu Kyuwa, a Japanese soldier in the Console War, was discovered to still be fighting in Guam,…

6 years ago

Underwater Level Detected on Mars

WASHINGTON — NASA announced on Wednesday that a 12-mile-wide underground lake has been detected near the Martian south pole, leading…

6 years ago

ACLU Publicly Drops Support for First Amendment After Discovering Sonic Fan Art

NEW YORK — In a press conference today, American Civil Liberties Union president Susan N. Herman announced that the organization…

6 years ago

Uninspired Rule 34 Artist Just Going Through Motions of Drawing Sonic Eating Out Tails

ALBANY, N.Y.  — Revered Rule 34 artist Sophia Zinn is no longer feeling inspired by her various drawings of Sonic…

7 years ago

SEGA Announces It Learned Absolutely Nothing From Sonic Mania Success

TOKYO, Japan —  SEGA held a press conference today to let the gaming world know that they haven’t learned a…

7 years ago

Sonic the Hedgehog Visits Sick DeviantArt User for Make-A-Wish to Tell Him His OC is Canon

OSWEGO, N.Y. — Sonic the Hedgehog honored the Make-A-Wish request of 13-year-old DeviantArt regular Jake Applebaum, declaring his self-created character…

7 years ago

SEGA Refuses to Reveal Which Body Part Sonic Puts the Rings In

Despite decades of questioning, SEGA, the producers of the Sonic franchise, have reiterated that they will not answer one of…

7 years ago

Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025

PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will…

7 years ago