sonic

Sonic’s Therapist Asks If He’s Ever Considered Slowing DownSonic’s Therapist Asks If He’s Ever Considered Slowing Down

Sonic’s Therapist Asks If He’s Ever Considered Slowing Down

METROPOLIS ZONE — Sonic the Hedgehog has been asked to look inward and understand his deepest and most firmly held…

4 years ago
Sonic the Hedgehog Found Crushed to Death Inside Vegas Slot MachineSonic the Hedgehog Found Crushed to Death Inside Vegas Slot Machine

Sonic the Hedgehog Found Crushed to Death Inside Vegas Slot Machine

LAS VEGAS — Tragedy struck at the Bellagio Hotel & Casino today, as the squished and dismembered carcass of beloved…

4 years ago
New York City Council Votes on Placement of Huge Booster Ramp to Decrease TrafficNew York City Council Votes on Placement of Huge Booster Ramp to Decrease Traffic

New York City Council Votes on Placement of Huge Booster Ramp to Decrease Traffic

NEW YORK — Tempers flared at city hall today as both sides made their opinions known about the potential addition…

4 years ago
San Francisco Installs Spikes to Deter Homeless People and Sonic the HedgehogSan Francisco Installs Spikes to Deter Homeless People and Sonic the Hedgehog

San Francisco Installs Spikes to Deter Homeless People and Sonic the Hedgehog

SAN FRANCISCO — The city of San Francisco has installed spikes in public spaces and on buildings in order to…

5 years ago
It Gets Worse: New Report Reveals Michael Jackson’s Sonic 3 Soundtrack Was Also Arranged by OJ SimpsonIt Gets Worse: New Report Reveals Michael Jackson’s Sonic 3 Soundtrack Was Also Arranged by OJ Simpson

It Gets Worse: New Report Reveals Michael Jackson’s Sonic 3 Soundtrack Was Also Arranged by OJ Simpson

Fans of Sega’s iconic blue hedgehog have been wondering for years why the company has stopped distributing 1994’s Sonic the…

5 years ago
Eccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the CatEccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the Cat

Eccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the Cat

WYNNEWOOD, Okla. — Local Big the Cat owner and G.W. Zoo founder, Joe Exotic, insists that there is absolutely nothing…

5 years ago
If Sonic Water Levels Gave You Lifelong Anxiety, You May Be Entitled to CompensationIf Sonic Water Levels Gave You Lifelong Anxiety, You May Be Entitled to Compensation

If Sonic Water Levels Gave You Lifelong Anxiety, You May Be Entitled to Compensation

Thousands of gamers across the world are providing testimonials accusing Sonic The Hedgehog water levels of giving them lifelong anxiety…

5 years ago
DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ CampaignDNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign

DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign

WASHINGTON — Democratic National Committee officials are reportedly scrambling to fix their Vote Blue Matter Who campaign now that it…

5 years ago
Review: Critics Are Too Hard on ‘Sonic,’ Which Is Fun for the Whole Family, Just Like Olive GardenReview: Critics Are Too Hard on ‘Sonic,’ Which Is Fun for the Whole Family, Just Like Olive Garden

Review: Critics Are Too Hard on ‘Sonic,’ Which Is Fun for the Whole Family, Just Like Olive Garden

While Sonic himself may say gotta go fast, we as reviewers gotta be asked: why so harsh on our blue…

5 years ago
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