February 20, 2019 DNC Struggling to Pick a Main DNC Struggling to Pick a Main WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee is reportedly struggling to decide on a main ahead of the 2020 election now that Bernie Sanders is confirmed…
January 31, 2019 Smash Bros Character Blames Low-Tier Player For Loss Smash Bros Character Blames Low-Tier Player For Loss BATTLEFIELD — After a heartbreaking loss, an orange Inkling girl reportedly spiked her Splattershot to the ground and stormed offstage while hurling insults back at…
January 30, 2019 ZeRo Tells Fiancée He’d Rather Just Stream Their Wedding Than Attend ZeRo Tells Fiancée He’d Rather Just Stream Their Wedding Than Attend ORLANDO, Fla. — Professional Super Smash Bros. player Gonzalo “ZeRo” Barrios reportedly told his fiancée Vanessa late last night that he will not be attending…
December 7, 2018 Release of Smash Bros. Ultimate Marks Most Eventful December 7th in History Release of Smash Bros. Ultimate Marks Most Eventful December 7th in History HONOLULU, Hawaii — Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Nintendo Switch was released today, the latest installment in the long-running fighting game series and the…
December 7, 2018 Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Somehow Manages to Buy Switch, Smash Bros, Two Pro Controllers, and Ethernet Adapter Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Somehow Manages to Buy Switch, Smash Bros, Two Pro Controllers, and Ethernet Adapter TUCSON, Ariz. — Local gamer Pierce Roderick has reportedly gathered enough capital to purchase all of the necessary equipment for him to properly play the…
December 5, 2018 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate to Be Delayed One Month Due to George H.W. Bush Funeral Super Smash Bros. Ultimate to Be Delayed One Month Due to George H.W. Bush Funeral KYOTO, Japan — To honor the death of former U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Nintendo has announced that Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Switch,…
June 9, 2018 Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller BOSTON — Explaining that newer controllers don’t quite provide the same comfort or familiarity, surgeon Dr. Frank Powell said this morning that he refuses to…
September 4, 2017 Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult For years, Captain Olimar has been seen as a beloved hero by the people of Hocotate for his ability to command the Pikmin and enrich…
