June 29, 2020 Vault Boy Skin Introduces Dozens of Glitches to Smash Bros Vault Boy Skin Introduces Dozens of Glitches to Smash Bros KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo released a statement this morning defending their latest patch to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which adds a new Vault Boy skin…
June 16, 2020 NYPD Sends Controller to Crime Lab After Officer Loses in Smash Bros NYPD Sends Controller to Crime Lab After Officer Loses in Smash Bros NEW YORK — The NYPD confirmed today that they have launched an official investigation into the controller purchased at a local GameStop by policeman Steve…
May 15, 2020 Gamer Honors Friend at Funeral With Homie Stock Gamer Honors Friend at Funeral With Homie Stock MONROE, Ohio — Following a time-honored Super Smash Bros. tradition to even the score between players, local gamer and mourning friend Dave Werner took a…
April 9, 2020 Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter BURLINGTON, Vt. — Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly received a mysterious white letter with a red seal less than a day after announcing he was…
March 17, 2020 UFC to Introduce Items UFC to Introduce Items LAS VEGAS — UFC president Dana White has announced that certain matches put on by the mixed martial arts promotion will soon feature randomized item…
March 9, 2020 Get It Together: Can You Remember What Case You Left Melee in Before Your Sleepover Devolves Into Chaos? Get It Together: Can You Remember What Case You Left Melee in Before Your Sleepover Devolves Into Chaos? It’s Friday, and you know what that means: the boys are coming over for a sleepover! Mom just tidied up the basement, you’ve already picked…
March 8, 2020 Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed by his sleeping girlfriend Jennifer…
March 8, 2020 Super Smash Bros. Datamine Reveals That Coding Seems Really Complicated Super Smash Bros. Datamine Reveals That Coding Seems Really Complicated TUCSON, Ariz. — A hacker has broken Super Smash Bros. Ultimate open and apparently revealed a host of new details about the game. The most…
March 5, 2020 We Asked Kirby Why He Doesn’t Just Turn Into Endangered Species and Fuck Them We Asked Kirby Why He Doesn’t Just Turn Into Endangered Species and Fuck Them DREAM LAND — A recent sit down interview with Nintendo superstar Kirby revealed some insights into a decades long career as a top tier mascot…
