smash bros

Couple Planning Wedding Forced to Make Tier List of Friends

RALEIGH, N.C. — Local engaged couple Elaiza Tan and Kate Figueroa were frustrated having to sort all of their friends…

3 years ago

Couple Tearfully Agrees It’s Time to Main Other People

ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. — After several years of mastering each others’ subtle quirks, local couple Arjun Irukulapati and Ellen Cervantes…

3 years ago

Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically

SCHENECTADY, N.Y. — Dragon-like space pirate and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fighter Ridley assured a teary-eyed man controlling his moves…

3 years ago

Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something

WANTAGH, N.Y. — Local gamer Lawrence Olson has reportedly breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that the next…

3 years ago

Archaeologists Uncover First Recorded Tier List in Ancient Rome

ROME — After reconstructing an ancient piece of pottery featuring various Roman gladiators categorized by their perceived strength, ability, and…

3 years ago

Geneticists Raise Ethical Questions After Successfully Creating Echo Fighter of Sheep

EDINBURGH, Scotland — In a huge scientific breakthrough that also raises many ethical questions, geneticists at the University of Edinburgh’s…

4 years ago

Diddy Kong Accused of Using System of Barrels to Skip First Two Years of College

EAST LANSING, Mich. — Diddy Kong is the latest celebrity to stand accused of using his celebrity status to bypass…

4 years ago

Disgraced ‘Smash Bros.’ Player Announces Hiatus, Plans to Main Self for Little While

SEATTLE — Tyler Wendell, the latest pro Super Smash Bros. player accused of sexual misconduct, has announced that he will…

4 years ago

Fuck It: Gamers Canceled

WORLDWIDE — The Super Smash Bros. community is in shock today after dozens of people came forward with sexual assault…

4 years ago