February 10, 2020 Mass Effect Devs Still Waiting for Anybody to Find the Secret ‘No Sex’ Ending Mass Effect Devs Still Waiting for Anybody to Find the Secret ‘No Sex’ Ending EDMONTON — Nearly eight years after the release of Mass Effect 3, Canadian game developers at BioWare were baffled that not a single person had…
December 14, 2019 Smash Bros Purist Won’t Even Use Items in Bedroom Smash Bros Purist Won’t Even Use Items in Bedroom CHICAGO — Competitive Super Smash Bros. player Greg Bradley holds true to his principles beyond the game, refusing to use items in the bedroom, sources…
September 7, 2018 Team Ninja Invents One-Handed Controller for Dead or Alive Xtreme Franchise Team Ninja Invents One-Handed Controller for Dead or Alive Xtreme Franchise TOKYO — Yosuke Hayashi, president of famed software developer Team Ninja, announced the production of a new controller specifically designed to only require one hand…
August 14, 2018 Cuphead’s ‘Hot Coffee’ Mod Lets You Fuck the Cups Cuphead’s ‘Hot Coffee’ Mod Lets You Fuck the Cups REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft apologized after fans discovered secret files that allows access to a hidden mode within Cuphead that players describe as a “hardcore…
April 2, 2018 Uninspired Rule 34 Artist Just Going Through Motions of Drawing Sonic Eating Out Tails Uninspired Rule 34 Artist Just Going Through Motions of Drawing Sonic Eating Out Tails ALBANY, N.Y. — Revered Rule 34 artist Sophia Zinn is no longer feeling inspired by her various drawings of Sonic eating out his friend Tails,…
March 30, 2018 Study Finds 100% Correlation Between Winning Board Games and Irresistible Sex Appeal Study Finds 100% Correlation Between Winning Board Games and Irresistible Sex Appeal DENVER — Scientists have announced the discovery of a clear, 100% correlation between the stunning board game skill of sophomore college student Steven Jackson and…
November 9, 2017 Heroic Video Game Designer Gives Female Protagonist Average-Sized Breasts Heroic Video Game Designer Gives Female Protagonist Average-Sized Breasts AMSTERDAM — Honored for his astounding design work on the fantasy roleplaying game Horizon Zero Dawn, Guerrilla Games senior producer Jochen Willemsen proudly accepted an…
September 8, 2017 Boyfriend Was Hoping for a Different Kind of Role-Playing Boyfriend Was Hoping for a Different Kind of Role-Playing ST. JOSEPH, Mich. — Brian Freemont was dismayed Thursday evening after being promised a night of wild role-playing by his girlfriend Abbie Case only to…
August 21, 2017 Aging PlayStation 2 Hasn’t Been Touched Like That in Years Aging PlayStation 2 Hasn’t Been Touched Like That in Years KANSAS CITY, Mo. — A timeworn PlayStation 2 was turned on—so turned on—and played for the first time in nearly a decade, in a whirlwind night…
