April 2, 2021 Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically SCHENECTADY, N.Y. — Dragon-like space pirate and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fighter Ridley assured a teary-eyed man controlling his moves at a local tournament today…
February 1, 2021 Porn Parody ‘Girls Done Quick’ Not Particularly Popular Porn Parody ‘Girls Done Quick’ Not Particularly Popular LOS ANGELES — Girls Done Quick, a new livestreamed porn parody of the hit video game convention Games Done Quick in which pornstars “speedrun” having…
October 11, 2020 Speedrunner Doesn’t Believe Girlfriend’s Tool-Assisted Orgasm Valid Speedrunner Doesn’t Believe Girlfriend’s Tool-Assisted Orgasm Valid SACRAMENTO — Video game speedrunner Ashton Clemens insisted that a significant portion of his girlfriend’s orgasms were completed incorrectly, arguing that manual orgasms with non-modified…
August 30, 2020 Dungeon Master Sneaks a Few Real Dice in With Those Sex Ones Dungeon Master Sneaks a Few Real Dice in With Those Sex Ones PITTSBURGH — A recent attempt at invigorating the intimacy of Dana Boyer’s relationship with an avid role-playing fanatic ended horribly after her husband Stephen Barker…
July 29, 2020 Girlfriend Has No Idea Sex Playlist Is Just Old School RuneScape Soundtrack Girlfriend Has No Idea Sex Playlist Is Just Old School RuneScape Soundtrack PHOENIX — Local girlfriend Marissa Andrews is reportedly unaware that the playlist her boyfriend put on during sex last week was just a 2-hour YouTube…
June 24, 2020 Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes KYOTO, Japan — Shigeru Miyamoto announced today that in order to make sure he lives up to his highest standards, he will be delaying the…
May 25, 2020 Boyfriend Apologizes for Load Time Boyfriend Apologizes for Load Time SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Recent sexual partner Nathan Stenhouse has released an apology for his unacceptably short load time during last night’s love making session with…
March 27, 2020 Boyfriend Can’t Find the Crit Boyfriend Can’t Find the Crit BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local woman Anita Harrison expressed disappointment during a game of Dungeons and Dragons when her boyfriend Steven Baker was once again unable…
March 4, 2020 Autosave Doesn’t Feel as Good as the Real Thing Autosave Doesn’t Feel as Good as the Real Thing CHRISTCHURCH, New Zealand — Although experts are split on precisely why, a study of gamers worldwide has determined that the autosave function just doesn’t feel…
