January 5, 2021 Professor Byleth Struggles to Teach Wyvern Riding Class Remotely Professor Byleth Struggles to Teach Wyvern Riding Class Remotely GARREG MACH — Officers Academy professor Byleth expressed frustration today at the continued restrictions on in-person instruction for their Wyvern Riding class. “I completely understand…
September 28, 2020 Betsy DeVos Calls for Public Schools to Be Defunded After Witnessing Rodney Mullen Do a 360 Kickflip Through Gymnasium Roof Betsy DeVos Calls for Public Schools to Be Defunded After Witnessing Rodney Mullen Do a 360 Kickflip Through Gymnasium Roof SCHOOL II — U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos demanded funding cuts after witnessing a professional skateboarder do a 360 kickflip into a high school…
September 22, 2020 Loser Spends Three Years Earning Master’s Degree When He Could’ve Been Writing a Sick D&D Campaign Loser Spends Three Years Earning Master’s Degree When He Could’ve Been Writing a Sick D&D Campaign RALEIGH, N.C. — A local graduate’s Masters of Fine Arts degree was tainted by the realization the past three years could have been spent crafting…
September 7, 2020 Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Our nation’s schools are facing a crisis — not a crisis of health, but a crisis of fear. Parents, misinformed by the liberal media, seem…
April 7, 2020 Study Shows Average Anime High School Student Needs 9 Seasons to Graduate Study Shows Average Anime High School Student Needs 9 Seasons to Graduate KYOTO, Japan — A troubling new study from the University of Hidari Wakibara has found that it takes a typical anime student at least nine…
August 25, 2019 Desperate History Teacher Starts Calling Everything ‘Lore’ Desperate History Teacher Starts Calling Everything ‘Lore’ MIDVALE, Utah — In an attempt to invigorate his students with a passion for learning, AP U.S. History teacher Frederick Clemens decided half-way through the…
February 26, 2019 Hardass Professor Won’t Allow Students to Cite Bulbapedia Hardass Professor Won’t Allow Students to Cite Bulbapedia PALLET TOWN, Kanto — World famous Pokémon researcher Professor Samuel Oak has enraged students by not letting them use Bulbapedia for their final exam. “Yet…
August 17, 2018 Cops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s Computer Cops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s Computer GLEN ROCK, N.J. — After sixteen-year-old Alex Stone opened fire at Glen Rock High School, killing ten students and injuring others before committed suicide, police…
