June 27, 2021 Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…
November 29, 2020 Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee SEATTLE — Adorable old english sheepdog and total noob, Pancakes, blew the only slot in his extremely limited inventory on a single frisbee, disappointed sources…
November 18, 2020 RPG Town Shop Goes Bankrupt After Buying $10,000 in Trinkets From Adventurer RPG Town Shop Goes Bankrupt After Buying $10,000 in Trinkets From Adventurer NETINNDEL — An RPG shop owner has been forced to close up his local shop and declare bankruptcy after buying $10,000 worth of useless trinkets…
October 20, 2020 World’s Most Boring Video Game Player Raises Defense Stat World’s Most Boring Video Game Player Raises Defense Stat PEORIA, Ill. — Friends of Shaun Conner were disappointed but unsurprised as he continually raised the defense stat of his RPG character, cementing his place…
October 18, 2020 Miniboss Laying It on a Little Thick With Pre-Battle Speech Miniboss Laying It on a Little Thick With Pre-Battle Speech REALM OF DISDAIN — Shortly before losing a recent battle with an adventurer, local mid-level demon Ulgruuf the Unyielding reportedly got a bit carried away…
October 3, 2020 Realm’s Chosen Savior Agonizing at Lair Entrance Whether to Drop Broadsword or Scimitar Realm’s Chosen Savior Agonizing at Lair Entrance Whether to Drop Broadsword or Scimitar HYMERA — At the end of a harrowing journey to rescue his land from certain devastation, steadfast warrior Demetrios Cherwink was spotted outside the entrance…
September 29, 2020 Man On His Deathbed Still Saving Fully Charged Meter Attack Man On His Deathbed Still Saving Fully Charged Meter Attack ROCHESTER, Minn. — Dying 80-year-old man Rex Titus revealed to friends and family today that, after a decade of battling heart disease, he is still…
September 7, 2020 Employees Returning to Work for First Time in Months Discover Office Overrun by Weeds Employees Returning to Work for First Time in Months Discover Office Overrun by Weeds TAMPA, Fla. — Employees returning to the local offices of Seabass Accounting & Tax Services this week were reportedly shocked to discover their cubicles overrun…
July 25, 2020 RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — After sinking a solid weekend into the RPG Manifest Beyond, local gamer Mallory Cruz began to realize that the game’s elaborate…
