June 27, 2021 Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…
April 18, 2021 Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs VATICAN CITY — Following an announcement from Vatican officials that Pope Francis has started playing video games to pass time during quarantine, the Pope has…
November 29, 2020 Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee SEATTLE — Adorable old english sheepdog and total noob, Pancakes, blew the only slot in his extremely limited inventory on a single frisbee, disappointed sources…
November 18, 2020 RPG Town Shop Goes Bankrupt After Buying $10,000 in Trinkets From Adventurer RPG Town Shop Goes Bankrupt After Buying $10,000 in Trinkets From Adventurer NETINNDEL — An RPG shop owner has been forced to close up his local shop and declare bankruptcy after buying $10,000 worth of useless trinkets…
October 20, 2020 World’s Most Boring Video Game Player Raises Defense Stat World’s Most Boring Video Game Player Raises Defense Stat PEORIA, Ill. — Friends of Shaun Conner were disappointed but unsurprised as he continually raised the defense stat of his RPG character, cementing his place…
October 3, 2020 Realm’s Chosen Savior Agonizing at Lair Entrance Whether to Drop Broadsword or Scimitar Realm’s Chosen Savior Agonizing at Lair Entrance Whether to Drop Broadsword or Scimitar HYMERA — At the end of a harrowing journey to rescue his land from certain devastation, steadfast warrior Demetrios Cherwink was spotted outside the entrance…
July 25, 2020 RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — After sinking a solid weekend into the RPG Manifest Beyond, local gamer Mallory Cruz began to realize that the game’s elaborate…
March 31, 2020 Useless NPC Shares Boring Personal Story That’s Not Even a Clue or Anything Useless NPC Shares Boring Personal Story That’s Not Even a Clue or Anything EDMOND, Okla. — Upon directing his hero to talk to a kindly NPC, local gamer Rory Leech was devastated to discover that the elderly character…
September 18, 2018 High School Student Begins New Game Plus of Senior Year High School Student Begins New Game Plus of Senior Year HAMILTON, Ohio — After choosing the “bad grades” story route during his initial playthrough of senior year, Tommy Martin has began a New Game Plus…
