retro

Retrospective: We Look Back at ‘Super Mario 1D World’

With the recent releases of Super Mario 3D All-Stars and Super Mario 3D World, gamers are reflecting on the long…

4 years ago

Inconsiderate Friend Doesn’t Spoiler Tag That Princess Peach Isn’t Actually in Castle

SPOKANE, Wash. — Discord user Michael McNeil drew the ire of a Mario fan server after failing to use spoiler…

4 years ago

Man With Space Invaders Tattoo Can’t Even Name One Character

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — A man with a tattoo depicting an enemy from the influential shoot ‘em up game Space Invaders…

4 years ago

Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks

PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — Local grandma Meredith Blum has been stuck for two days on the opening screen of Super Mario…

4 years ago

Steve Bannon Arrested for Gobbling Up Skiers at Bottom of Hill

WASHINGTON — Former Donald Trump advisor Steve Bannon was arrested yesterday on charges of reportedly devouring skiers at the bottom…

4 years ago

Proto Man Reveals That, While Arm Cannon Nice, He Would Give Anything to Have Left Hand Back

DR. LIGHT’S LAB — Saying he feels blessed at the technology yet wistful for his bygone appendage, local robot hero…

5 years ago

Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — In an attempt to save himself from certain death by walking directly off a platform, a local…

5 years ago

Larger Thug Feels Pressure to Take On Leadership Position

RIVER CITY— Local gangster Antonio Russo continues to work a low level thug position despite pressures from higher ranking goons…

5 years ago

Man Dead After Being Shot in Ankle Nine Times

THE CITY — A hired goon taking cover behind a crate made a fatal error and left his ankle exposed,…

5 years ago