May 8, 2021 Retrospective: We Look Back at ‘Super Mario 1D World’ Retrospective: We Look Back at ‘Super Mario 1D World’ With the recent releases of Super Mario 3D All-Stars and Super Mario 3D World, gamers are reflecting on the long legacy of the Mario franchise.…
January 9, 2021 Inconsiderate Friend Doesn’t Spoiler Tag That Princess Peach Isn’t Actually in Castle Inconsiderate Friend Doesn’t Spoiler Tag That Princess Peach Isn’t Actually in Castle SPOKANE, Wash. — Discord user Michael McNeil drew the ire of a Mario fan server after failing to use spoiler tags when revealing that Princess…
November 14, 2020 Man With Space Invaders Tattoo Can’t Even Name One Character Man With Space Invaders Tattoo Can’t Even Name One Character ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — A man with a tattoo depicting an enemy from the influential shoot ‘em up game Space Invaders was chastised recently for not…
September 25, 2020 Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — Local grandma Meredith Blum has been stuck for two days on the opening screen of Super Mario 64, reportedly unable to complete…
August 21, 2020 Steve Bannon Arrested for Gobbling Up Skiers at Bottom of Hill Steve Bannon Arrested for Gobbling Up Skiers at Bottom of Hill WASHINGTON — Former Donald Trump advisor Steve Bannon was arrested yesterday on charges of reportedly devouring skiers at the bottom of a ski resort for…
April 10, 2020 Proto Man Reveals That, While Arm Cannon Nice, He Would Give Anything to Have Left Hand Back Proto Man Reveals That, While Arm Cannon Nice, He Would Give Anything to Have Left Hand Back DR. LIGHT’S LAB — Saying he feels blessed at the technology yet wistful for his bygone appendage, local robot hero Proto Man revealed today that,…
April 1, 2020 Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death MUSHROOM KINGDOM — In an attempt to save himself from certain death by walking directly off a platform, a local green Koopa named George was…
March 30, 2020 Larger Thug Feels Pressure to Take On Leadership Position Larger Thug Feels Pressure to Take On Leadership Position RIVER CITY— Local gangster Antonio Russo continues to work a low level thug position despite pressures from higher ranking goons to take on a boss…
March 26, 2020 Man Dead After Being Shot in Ankle Nine Times Man Dead After Being Shot in Ankle Nine Times THE CITY — A hired goon taking cover behind a crate made a fatal error and left his ankle exposed, leading to nine gun shots…
