June 15, 2021 Day Two Recap: God Creates Clouds and Ocean Day Two Recap: God Creates Clouds and Ocean LOS ANGELES — Sunday morning kicked off Day Two of E3 with conferences from Microsoft, Square Enix, and Our Lord showcasing the new Halo’s multiplayer,…
December 18, 2020 Twitch Bans All Mentions of Virgin Mary and Incel Joseph Twitch Bans All Mentions of Virgin Mary and Incel Joseph SAN FRANCISCO — Just before Christmas, video streaming platform Twitch has banned users from making any mention of the Virgin Mary, the Incel Joseph or…
October 13, 2020 God Laughs as Man Puts “Final” in Exported File Name God Laughs as Man Puts “Final” in Exported File Name HEAVEN — Our Heavenly Father was overwhelmed with laughter after watching Illinois native Bobby Kenworth use the word “final” in a new video file name…
October 5, 2020 God Uses McRib to Create Female Companion for Ronald McDonald God Uses McRib to Create Female Companion for Ronald McDonald WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Patrons at a local McDonalds restaurant were caught off guard earlier this week as God, alleged creator of the Earth and…
September 4, 2020 Lifelong Devil’s Advocate Promoted to Devil’s Communications Director Lifelong Devil’s Advocate Promoted to Devil’s Communications Director WASHINGTON — Griffin Miller, a career contrarian and lifelong advocate of The Devil, has been tapped as Communications Director for The Devil’s administration, a senior…
July 5, 2020 Gamer Goes on Mission Trip to Tell Impoverished Communities ‘The Last of Us’ Is Overrated Gamer Goes on Mission Trip to Tell Impoverished Communities ‘The Last of Us’ Is Overrated UGANDA — A devout gamer has voyaged to a third world country on a missionary trip to inform the poor villagers there that The Last…
May 25, 2020 Christian Speedrunning Community Argues Any% Begins at the Loading Screen Christian Speedrunning Community Argues Any% Begins at the Loading Screen BOSTON — Christian speedrunning group ReveRuns posted a declaration today, titled “Life Begins at Loading,” which makes an impassioned plea that all speedruns should begin…
May 24, 2020 And When There Was Only One Set of Kills in Duos, That Was When I Carried You And When There Was Only One Set of Kills in Duos, That Was When I Carried You One night I dreamed a team. As I was walking along the storage town with my Lord, Across the dark sky flashed incoming players from…
March 29, 2020 God Admits It’s Kinda Gay to Create Dudes God Admits It’s Kinda Gay to Create Dudes HEAVEN — The almighty being who created the heavens and earth, God, admitted today that it’s actually kinda gay to create guys if you think…
