September 4, 2018 New Tom Clancy Novel About a Friggin Gun That Became President New Tom Clancy Novel About a Friggin Gun That Became President BALTIMORE — Sources report that the newest novel in the Jack Ryan series originally created by Tom Clancy before his death is about a gun…
July 21, 2018 Fully Costumed Obama Pitches Netflix Execs on Blade Reboot Fully Costumed Obama Pitches Netflix Execs on Blade Reboot LOS GATOS, Calif. — Early yesterday morning, a sword-wielding Barack Obama interrupted a meeting of high-ranking Netflix executives while wearing a tight leather trench coat,…
July 2, 2018 Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court WASHINGTON — Democrats in the Senate were unable to block President Trump’s replacement for departing Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, resulting in the confirmation of…
April 22, 2018 Donald Trump Reveals Presidency Actually Nuzlocke Run Donald Trump Reveals Presidency Actually Nuzlocke Run WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump revealed via a series of tweets this morning that his presidency has been following the rules of the Pokémon Nuzlocke…
March 27, 2018 Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump surprised Americans today by replacing Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders with the talking owl who appeared in The Legend of…
August 24, 2017 Trump Enlists Lazy Video Game Designers to Build Invisible Wall Along Mexican Border Trump Enlists Lazy Video Game Designers to Build Invisible Wall Along Mexican Border BELLEVUE, Wash. — Video game developer Rare have announced a new project in partnership with the White House to build a immeasurably high invisible wall…
July 31, 2017 The Mooch Breaks White House Speed Run Record The Mooch Breaks White House Speed Run Record WASHINGTON — Newly hired White House Communications Director Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci was fired by President Trump today, after only ten days on the job,…
