February 24, 2020 DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign WASHINGTON — Democratic National Committee officials are reportedly scrambling to fix their Vote Blue Matter Who campaign now that it has inspired millions around the…
February 19, 2020 Bloomberg Uses Money Cheat Code to Access Debate Stage Bloomberg Uses Money Cheat Code to Access Debate Stage LAS VEGAS — Alleged Democratic Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg has reportedly exploited a cheat code which converts his collected funds into access to tonight’s Democratic…
February 12, 2020 CNN Political Analysts Explain First Is the Worst, Second Is the Best, Third Is the One With the Hairy Chest CNN Political Analysts Explain First Is the Worst, Second Is the Best, Third Is the One With the Hairy Chest NEW YORK — Political analysts sitting around the CNN roundtable explained to viewers today after the decisive New Hampshire primary that first is the worst,…
January 11, 2020 Nation Not Sure Normal-Type Candidate Even Worth Catching Nation Not Sure Normal-Type Candidate Even Worth Catching CEDAR RAPIDS, Mich. — After months of deliberation during a contentious Democratic primary, voters are beginning to wonder whether a Normal-type Presidential candidate is even…
November 23, 2019 dril Becomes Conservative Icon After Accidental Retweet From @realDonaldTrump dril Becomes Conservative Icon After Accidental Retweet From @realDonaldTrump WASHINGTON — Famed cursed twitter account @dril became a conservative icon this morning after being retweeted by President Donald Trump, in what experts say may…
November 22, 2019 Report: Only 9% of Voters Think Joe Biden Could Defeat John Cena and The Undertaker in a Triple Threat Match Report: Only 9% of Voters Think Joe Biden Could Defeat John Cena and The Undertaker in a Triple Threat Match WASHINGTON — In a sharp rebuke towards his flagging candidacy, only 9% of Democratic voters believe Joe Biden could defeat John Cena and The Undertaker…
June 21, 2019 Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate KAMI’S LOOKOUT — Sweating and breathing heavily from their strenuous efforts, sources confirmed Wednesday that Senator Elizabeth Warren and Senator Bernie Sanders were hard at…
April 8, 2019 Andrew Yang Proposes Universal Crunchyroll Premium for Americans Andrew Yang Proposes Universal Crunchyroll Premium for Americans NEW YORK — With the recent announcement of a price hike for Crunchyroll’s premium subscription service, Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang has added to his…
March 27, 2019 Gamers’ Rights Breakthrough: Cory Booker Will Say The Words ‘Video Games’ On Television Tonight Gamers’ Rights Breakthrough: Cory Booker Will Say The Words ‘Video Games’ On Television Tonight ORANGEBURG, S.C. — A leaked portion of one of Senator Cory Booker’s 2020 campaign documents has gamers anticipating an important cultural breakthrough: a presidential candidate…
