president

Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous PardonTrump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon

Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon

WASHINGTON — Making full use of his last full day in office, President Donald Trump announced a posthumous pardon of…

4 years ago
Facebook-Banned Trump Livid He Can’t Log Into OculusFacebook-Banned Trump Livid He Can’t Log Into Oculus

Facebook-Banned Trump Livid He Can’t Log Into Oculus

WASHINGTON — Only a few hours after being banned on Facebook, President Donald Trump erupted in anger when he realized…

4 years ago
Donald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk CardsDonald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk Cards

Donald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk Cards

WASHINGTON — Following a string of other legal concessions in the waning days of his term, President Donald Trump announced…

4 years ago
Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After AllDonald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All

Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All

WASHINGTON — After initially claiming he was going to hold out until more exclusive next-gen titles became available, President Donald…

5 years ago
Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on a Blinking Weak SpotGamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on a Blinking Weak Spot

Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on Blinking Weak Spot

PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas…

5 years ago
Gamer Sick of Two-Console SystemGamer Sick of Two-Console System

Gamer Sick of Two-Console System

WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated…

5 years ago
Gamer Buys Both Nate Silver and Nate Gold Versions to Get Full ResultsGamer Buys Both Nate Silver and Nate Gold Versions to Get Full Results

Gamer Buys Both Nate Silver and Nate Gold Versions to Get Full Results

ERIE, Pa. — Local gamer Glenn Rice reportedly purchased both Nate Silver and Nate Gold versions of the 2020 presidential…

5 years ago
Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be PresidentGuy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President

Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing…

5 years ago
Horrible Goose Caught Scaring Voters Away From Early Voting SiteHorrible Goose Caught Scaring Voters Away From Early Voting Site

Horrible Goose Caught Scaring Voters Away From Early Voting Site

KEENE, Ky. — Several Keene residents have reported cases of voter intimidation at the small town’s early voting location, noting…

5 years ago