president

Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon

WASHINGTON — Making full use of his last full day in office, President Donald Trump announced a posthumous pardon of…

4 years ago

Facebook-Banned Trump Livid He Can’t Log Into Oculus

WASHINGTON — Only a few hours after being banned on Facebook, President Donald Trump erupted in anger when he realized…

4 years ago

Donald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk Cards

WASHINGTON — Following a string of other legal concessions in the waning days of his term, President Donald Trump announced…

4 years ago

Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All

WASHINGTON — After initially claiming he was going to hold out until more exclusive next-gen titles became available, President Donald…

4 years ago

Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on Blinking Weak Spot

PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas…

4 years ago

Gamer Sick of Two-Console System

WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated…

4 years ago

Gamer Buys Both Nate Silver and Nate Gold Versions to Get Full Results

ERIE, Pa. — Local gamer Glenn Rice reportedly purchased both Nate Silver and Nate Gold versions of the 2020 presidential…

4 years ago

Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing…

4 years ago

Horrible Goose Caught Scaring Voters Away From Early Voting Site

KEENE, Ky. — Several Keene residents have reported cases of voter intimidation at the small town’s early voting location, noting…

4 years ago