February 19, 2021 Director of Upcoming Game ‘Shoot JFK in the Fucking Head’ Insists It Won’t Be Political in Nature Director of Upcoming Game ‘Shoot JFK in the Fucking Head’ Insists It Won’t Be Political in Nature LOS ANGELES — The director of an upcoming first person shooter set in Dallas during the 1960s, Shoot JFK in the Fucking Head, has insisted…
January 24, 2021 Beware: If We Make Minimum Wage $15 Then People Won’t Need Two Jobs, Meaning They’ll Have Leisure Time, Meaning There Will Be More Gamers Beware: If We Make Minimum Wage $15 Then People Won’t Need Two Jobs, Meaning They’ll Have Leisure Time, Meaning There Will Be More Gamers The national debate over minimum wage has raged on in the United States ever since President Biden made it an immediate priority for his administration.…
October 1, 2020 Beto O’Rourke Skateboarding Game Has You Collect Letters P-O-L-I-T-I-C-A-L-C-O-W-A-R-D Beto O’Rourke Skateboarding Game Has You Collect Letters P-O-L-I-T-I-C-A-L-C-O-W-A-R-D EL PASO, Texas — Former United States representative Beto O’Rourke announced a new skateboarding video game that lets players collect the letters to spell out…
August 1, 2020 Anti-Video Game Senator Caught Blowing Nintendo Cartridge in Airport Bathroom Anti-Video Game Senator Caught Blowing Nintendo Cartridge in Airport Bathroom NEW YORK CITY — Notorious anti-video game Senator Bob Sandleson was found this weekend blowing a video game cartridge inside a bathroom stall in JFK…
March 5, 2020 Moderates Attempt to Cancel America’s Evolution Moderates Attempt to Cancel America’s Evolution UNITED STATES — After years and countless experience points towards progression, America has finally reached a high enough level to evolve to its next form.…
February 24, 2020 DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign WASHINGTON — Democratic National Committee officials are reportedly scrambling to fix their Vote Blue Matter Who campaign now that it has inspired millions around the…
February 20, 2020 I Cannot Endorse Bernie Sanders’ Proposed Wealth Tax Because He is Clearly Count Olaf in Disguise I Cannot Endorse Bernie Sanders’ Proposed Wealth Tax Because He is Clearly Count Olaf in Disguise One might think Bernie Sanders is an ideal presidential candidate, but this could not be further from the truth as he is actually the notorious…
February 19, 2020 Bloomberg Uses Money Cheat Code to Access Debate Stage Bloomberg Uses Money Cheat Code to Access Debate Stage LAS VEGAS — Alleged Democratic Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg has reportedly exploited a cheat code which converts his collected funds into access to tonight’s Democratic…
March 19, 2019 I’m Voting For Bernie Sanders Unless Another Candidate Proves They Have More Swords Than Him I’m Voting For Bernie Sanders Unless Another Candidate Proves They Have More Swords Than Him The 2020 Democratic Primary race is shaping up to be a cutthroat march to the nomination. Well, it was, until I learned that Bernie Sanders…
