October 31, 2020 Child Who Received Mostly Rare Candies for Halloween Now 36 Years Old Child Who Received Mostly Rare Candies for Halloween Now 36 Years Old FAIRFIELD, Conn. — Kenny Coleman, local pokemon fan and former adolescent, has reportedly received a number of rare candies in his halloween basket, leveling him…
October 11, 2020 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 WASHINGTON — Researchers have discovered that the origin of the “fake news” phenomenon stretches all the way back to 2002, when your friend Dennis McNulty…
August 3, 2020 Guy Who Peaked During Tutorial Never Moves Out of Pallet Town Guy Who Peaked During Tutorial Never Moves Out of Pallet Town KANTO — Local would-be Pokémon trainer Bobby, despite completing his initial training, receiving a Pokédex, and being fully prepared to battle across the Kanto region…
June 17, 2020 Millennial Excited to Return to Pokémon Snap With Photography Degree Under His Belt Millennial Excited to Return to Pokémon Snap With Photography Degree Under His Belt CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A millennial gamer who grew up with Pokémon Snap is excited to play the new Nintendo Switch version now that he has…
June 13, 2020 Can You Violate the Geneva Conventions in Minesweeper, Tonight We Riot, and Plants Vs Zombies? Can You Violate the Geneva Conventions in Minesweeper, Tonight We Riot, and Plants Vs Zombies? If you find yourself “disgusted” by the riots happening in America over racial injustice, wait until you hear about the My Lai Massacre! That’s when…
May 28, 2020 Ash Ketchum’s Mom Doesn’t Have the Heart to Tell Him His Original Pikachu Died 6 Years Ago Ash Ketchum’s Mom Doesn’t Have the Heart to Tell Him His Original Pikachu Died 6 Years Ago KANTO — Local mother Delia Ketchum reportedly doesn’t have the heart to tell her son Ash that his beloved Pikachu is the sixth in a…
March 28, 2020 Newly Hatched Baby Pokémon Gains 23 Levels Watching Dragonite Beat Shit Out of Gym Leader Newly Hatched Baby Pokémon Gains 23 Levels Watching Dragonite Beat Shit Out of Gym Leader KANTO — Several minutes after being hatched from an egg received from a nearby day care center, a newborn baby Squirtle gained 23 levels at…
March 14, 2020 Donald Trump Insists He Found Mew Under Truck in Pokémon Red Donald Trump Insists He Found Mew Under Truck in Pokémon Red WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump is being attacked by prominent Democrats today after he claimed he found Mew under a truck in his original playthrough…
March 12, 2020 New Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated Opponents New Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated Opponents WYNDON, Galar — Newly appointed Pokémon Champion and Galar native Alex Khalil has become overwhelmed with a flood of 1099-MISC forms from previously defeated opponents,…
