September 7, 2020 Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Our nation’s schools are facing a crisis — not a crisis of health, but a crisis of fear. Parents, misinformed by the liberal media, seem…
August 8, 2020 Olimar Insists Red Pikmin are “Virtually Immune” to Drowning Olimar Insists Red Pikmin are “Virtually Immune” to Drowning PNF-404 — Captain Olimar insisted to a group of red Pikmin today that they need not worry while trying to cross a river because they…
March 13, 2019 Olimar Running Out of Tiny Coffins Olimar Running Out of Tiny Coffins DISTANT PLANET — At this week’s mass funeral of some 614 Pikmin, Captain Olimar of the Hocotate Freight Corporation came to the saddening realization that…
September 4, 2017 Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult For years, Captain Olimar has been seen as a beloved hero by the people of Hocotate for his ability to command the Pikmin and enrich…
