April 11, 2020 Gamer Nostalgic for Earlier Today Gamer Nostalgic for Earlier Today TUCSON, Ariz. — A local gamer has released a statement outlining how much he pines for the simpler, purer era of several hours earlier today. …
March 17, 2020 Every ‘Star Wars’ Movie Ranked by How Old I Was the First Time I Saw It Every ‘Star Wars’ Movie Ranked by How Old I Was the First Time I Saw It Now that Disney has released the Rise of Skywalker film and novelization, it feels like everybody has already made a “definitive” ranking of every Star…
August 14, 2019 It’s Time to Face the Facts: Pinky and the Brain Are Never Going to Take Over the World It’s Time to Face the Facts: Pinky and the Brain Are Never Going to Take Over the World As America ages not-so-gracefully into its 240s, with climate change knocking on our doors and tribalism facing all-time highs, it’s time we become realistic about…
November 8, 2018 Dwayne Johnson to Play Stack of Pogs in Upcoming Film Dwayne Johnson to Play Stack of Pogs in Upcoming Film LOS ANGELES — Superstar Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has confirmed months of online rumors by revealing that he will produce and star in an upcoming…
September 20, 2018 MISSING: Six Teenagers Who Disappeared Right Before the Power Rangers Showed Up MISSING: Six Teenagers Who Disappeared Right Before the Power Rangers Showed Up ANGEL GROVE, Calif. — Police are currently on the lookout for a group of six teenagers with attitude that went missing right before the unrelated…
August 21, 2018 Opinion: My Controller’s Being Weird Opinion: My Controller’s Being Weird It is time for our nation to come together and agree that my controller is being weird as hell right now and that’s the only…
August 15, 2018 Breaking: You Just Lost The Game Breaking: You Just Lost The Game NEW YORK — New reports are coming in that reveal that you, as a result of reading this very article about local resident Kate Sanford…
May 23, 2018 Man Never Had Game, But Played It at Friend’s House Man Never Had Game, But Played It at Friend’s House SEATTLE — Despite never owning a copy of 2002’s Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee, local gamer Andrew Schaefer revealed to reporters today that he was…
November 20, 2017 Where Are They Now? The Child Banished to Hell at the End of the Crossfire Commercial Where Are They Now? The Child Banished to Hell at the End of the Crossfire Commercial FIFTH CIRCLE OF HELL — Every ’90s kid remembers the classic commercial for the board game Crossfire: Two leather-clad children ride over-sized game pieces into…
