October 27, 2018 Japanese Holdout Still Fighting Console War for Sega Japanese Holdout Still Fighting Console War for Sega HAGÅTÑA, Guam — Engu Kyuwa, a Japanese soldier in the Console War, was discovered to still be fighting in Guam, refusing to believe that Sega…
October 22, 2018 Nintendo Rebrands Original Game Boy as ‘Game Boy Thicc’ Nintendo Rebrands Original Game Boy as ‘Game Boy Thicc’ KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo president Tatsumi Kimishima announced today that Nintendo would be bringing back their beloved original Game Boy console, boldly renamed as Game…
October 19, 2018 DC Announces Movie Adaptation of Superman 64 DC Announces Movie Adaptation of Superman 64 BURBANK, Calif. — Warner Brothers has announced that the next edition in the DC Extended Universe will be an adaptation of the Nintendo 64 video…
October 16, 2018 Nintendo Execs Celebrate 100 Million Gamers Who Say They Should Get a Switch Nintendo Execs Celebrate 100 Million Gamers Who Say They Should Get a Switch REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo of America COO Reggie Fils-Aime announced today that Nintendo has achieved record-breaking theoretical sales from 100 million gamers who say they…
October 3, 2018 Nintendo Announces Metroid Prime 4 Teaser Trailer Release Date Reveal Date Nintendo Announces Metroid Prime 4 Teaser Trailer Release Date Reveal Date KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo has announced that early next year they will reveal the date for the Metroid Prime 4 teaser trailer. Since its debut…
September 21, 2018 Nintendo Online Service Requires Players to Call Reggie Fils-Aimé Every Week Nintendo Online Service Requires Players to Call Reggie Fils-Aimé Every Week KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today that their recently launched online service now includes yet another contingency: Switch owners will be required to call Reggie Fils-Aimé,…
September 19, 2018 Nintendo Already Sold Out of Online Nintendo Already Sold Out of Online KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo Co. announced the release of Nintendo Switch Online today, along with the announcement that it has completely sold out of the…
September 1, 2018 Hackers Exploit N64 Hardware Glitch That Makes Mario Feel Real Pain Hackers Exploit N64 Hardware Glitch That Makes Mario Feel Real Pain TOKYO, Japan — The gaming community discovered yet another vulnerability in the classic Nintendo 64 console, which works in conjunction with the game Super Mario…
August 2, 2018 Bible Scholars Reveal Jesus Christ Played Shit-Ton of Mario Party Bible Scholars Reveal Jesus Christ Played Shit-Ton of Mario Party VATICAN CITY — Bible Scholars have determined that Jesus Christ’s hand injuries, previously thought to have been caused by crucifixion, were actually the result of…
