January 20, 2020 Pikachu Overcome by Own Mortality Realizing He Will One Day Die and Become Duskull Pikachu Overcome by Own Mortality Realizing He Will One Day Die and Become Duskull JOHTO — Contemplating its afterlife for the first time in his life following a fierce battle, a local Pikachu fell silent with the thought that…
January 17, 2020 Wii U Keeps Insisting Nintendo Consoles Have Big Reunion Wii U Keeps Insisting Nintendo Consoles Have Big Reunion KYOTO, Japan — According to complaints from several anonymous home consoles, the Wii U has been repeatedly insisting that all the Nintendo systems get back…
January 13, 2020 Everyone Wishes Man Would Stop Using Tongue to Twirl Control Stick in Mario Party Everyone Wishes Man Would Stop Using Tongue to Twirl Control Stick in Mario Party DENVER — A group of friends is appalled over one member’s insistence on using his tongue to spin the control stick in Mario Party mini…
January 10, 2020 CDC Warns Pokémania Much More Dangerous When Contracted as an Adult CDC Warns Pokémania Much More Dangerous When Contracted as an Adult ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is warning citizens about the dangers of contracting Pokémania as an adult, which can be more…
January 2, 2020 Ring Fit User Hates How Crowded Adventure Gets in January Ring Fit User Hates How Crowded Adventure Gets in January LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local Nintendo Ring Fit user Dan Remington expressed frustration at the massively increased number people playing Ring Fit Adventure this month,…
December 29, 2019 Character You Let Die in First Playthrough Seems Distant in New Game+ Character You Let Die in First Playthrough Seems Distant in New Game+ FORKED RIVER, N.J. — Local gamer Christopher Nguyen noticed the character he allowed to die in his first playthrough of Fire Emblem: Three Houses has…
December 15, 2019 Pokémon Is Kind of Fucked Up If You Think About It Pokémon Is Kind of Fucked Up If You Think About It A lot of people don’t realize this, but if you think about it — and I mean really think about it — these Pokémon games…
December 14, 2019 Smash Bros Purist Won’t Even Use Items in Bedroom Smash Bros Purist Won’t Even Use Items in Bedroom CHICAGO — Competitive Super Smash Bros. player Greg Bradley holds true to his principles beyond the game, refusing to use items in the bedroom, sources…
December 13, 2019 ‘Browsing eShop’ Sweeps Game Awards ‘Browsing eShop’ Sweeps Game Awards LOS ANGELES — Concluding what some critics have called an underwhelming year for gaming, the Nintendo title ‘Browsing the eShop’ has swept all of the…
