March 9, 2020 Nintendo Sends DMCA Takedown to Man’s Arm for Triforce Tattoo Nintendo Sends DMCA Takedown to Man’s Arm for Triforce Tattoo ATLANTA — Video game company Nintendo has sent a cease and desist to local fan Denis Fernandez for his Legend of Zelda triforce tattoo, prompting…
March 8, 2020 Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed by his sleeping girlfriend Jennifer…
March 8, 2020 Super Smash Bros. Datamine Reveals That Coding Seems Really Complicated Super Smash Bros. Datamine Reveals That Coding Seems Really Complicated TUCSON, Ariz. — A hacker has broken Super Smash Bros. Ultimate open and apparently revealed a host of new details about the game. The most…
March 5, 2020 We Asked Kirby Why He Doesn’t Just Turn Into Endangered Species and Fuck Them We Asked Kirby Why He Doesn’t Just Turn Into Endangered Species and Fuck Them DREAM LAND — A recent sit down interview with Nintendo superstar Kirby revealed some insights into a decades long career as a top tier mascot…
February 28, 2020 Study: 85% of Christians Still Do Not Believe Humans Evolved From Donkey Kong Study: 85% of Christians Still Do Not Believe Humans Evolved From Donkey Kong WASHINGTON — According to a nationwide survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, an overwhelming 85% of Christians do not accept the scientific truth that…
February 15, 2020 Yoshi Becomes Proud Parent of Person They Just Ate Yoshi Becomes Proud Parent of Person They Just Ate YOSHI’S ISLAND — Beloved dinosaur and Super Smash Bros. fighter Yoshi became the proud parent of Captain Falcon seconds after consuming him, sources say, lending…
February 5, 2020 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room KANSAS CITY — 35-year-old Peter Brydon has been seeing family pediatrician Dr. Richard Cohen, who has had a Nintendo 64 in his office waiting room,…
January 31, 2020 Local Dullard Chooses Mario in Mario Kart Local Dullard Chooses Mario in Mario Kart DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — In a choice that demonstrated an astounding dearth of imagination, town simpleton Adam Tucker decided to play as Mario in Mario…
January 29, 2020 Controversial Filmmaker Defends Choice to Keep Rolling as Italian Man Is Beaten to Death Controversial Filmmaker Defends Choice to Keep Rolling as Italian Man Is Beaten to Death MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following a public outcry, auteur filmmaker Lakitu defended his decision to continue running his camera while a simple Italian plumber was burned,…
