April 19, 2020 Dodo Airlines Asks For 50 Billion Bell Bail Out Dodo Airlines Asks For 50 Billion Bell Bail Out NEW HORIZONS — Dodo Airlines employee and CEO Orville came forward earlier this week with a statement pleading for a relief package to the tune…
April 18, 2020 Eeek! A Bug’s Life. What a Wretched Film Eeek! A Bug’s Life. What a Wretched Film Eeek! You wish to know about A Bug’s Life? What a wretched film. Such horror. Repugnance! Good heavens. Watching it, I struggle to maintain my…
April 13, 2020 Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again LINCOLN, Neb. — After being laid off from his job at a regional cardboard box supply company last week, local gamer Dale Lowry has reportedly…
April 12, 2020 Mario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 Pages Mario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 Pages MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Local Brooklynite Mario Mario was reportedly unable to get his resume under 10 pages following a bout of unemployment due to the…
April 9, 2020 Animal Crossing: New Horizons is So Beautiful You Can Almost Forget It’s a Rehab Facility Animal Crossing: New Horizons is So Beautiful You Can Almost Forget It’s a Rehab Facility Written by Jay Miller Narrated by Mark Roebuck Edited by Peter Kemme
April 9, 2020 Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter BURLINGTON, Vt. — Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly received a mysterious white letter with a red seal less than a day after announcing he was…
April 8, 2020 Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Bernie Sanders officially ended his bid for the White House today, ceding the Democratic nomination to former Vice President Joe Biden. Many have been calling…
April 8, 2020 World 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating App World 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating App MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Continuing the trend of deceitful users of the Mushroom Kingdom’s dominant dating app, Mushd, a love-seeking Goomba named Sandra, 26, recently met…
April 5, 2020 So-Called Resident Doesn’t Even Have DIY Recipes to Offer So-Called Resident Doesn’t Even Have DIY Recipes to Offer NEW YORK — Local apartment resident Milo, a 4-year old house cat, reportedly has no DIY recipes to offer his roommates, frustrated sources confirmed. “I…
