nintendo

Saying ‘Hey! Listen!’ Is No Longer Enough

Ever since Ganondorf attacked Hyrule, I’ve had to constantly remind you that we can’t go back to our normal lives…

4 years ago

Termina Resident Convinced Giant, Ominous Moon Liberal Hoax

CLOCK TOWN — A Termina citizen took to the streets yesterday to denounce the large, ominous moon inching ever closer…

4 years ago

Animal Crossing Villagers Freak Out During Fireworks

NORTHERN HEMISPHERE — Chaos erupted during a Fourth of July fireworks celebration held by the animal inhabitants of the newly…

4 years ago

Young Link Shaken After Seeing What Loser Virgin He Grows Up to Be

HYRULE — Feeling completely shaken after pulling the Master Sword from its pedestal, unlocking the path to the Sacred Realm and…

4 years ago

Bullshit Photoshop Class Doesn’t Even Tell You How to Give Mario Gun

AUSTIN, Texas —  Local graphic design student Rachel Valdez expressed frustration this week after realizing her Intro to Photoshop class…

4 years ago

Vault Boy Skin Introduces Dozens of Glitches to Smash Bros

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo released a statement this morning defending their latest patch to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which adds…

4 years ago

Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes

KYOTO, Japan — Shigeru Miyamoto announced today that in order to make sure he lives up to his highest standards,…

4 years ago

Millennial Excited to Return to Pokémon Snap With Photography Degree Under His Belt

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A millennial gamer who grew up with Pokémon Snap is excited to play the new Nintendo Switch…

4 years ago

Nintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA Sequence

KYOTO, Japan — After suffering a string of damaging data breaches and leaked trade secrets such as hardware specs and console…

4 years ago