April 2, 2020 Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World PARIS — Panic broke out within the Louvre earlier this week when a tourist attempted to launch himself over the crowd and through Leonardo da…
March 26, 2020 Nearly Unusable Controller Still in Rotation Because It Looks Cool Nearly Unusable Controller Still in Rotation Because It Looks Cool HUNTSVILLE, Texas — Roommates Audley Stoddard, Jay Heath, and Corwin Reed have announced their intention to continue regularly using a virtually broken controller because it…
February 5, 2020 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room KANSAS CITY — 35-year-old Peter Brydon has been seeing family pediatrician Dr. Richard Cohen, who has had a Nintendo 64 in his office waiting room,…
January 29, 2020 Controversial Filmmaker Defends Choice to Keep Rolling as Italian Man Is Beaten to Death Controversial Filmmaker Defends Choice to Keep Rolling as Italian Man Is Beaten to Death MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following a public outcry, auteur filmmaker Lakitu defended his decision to continue running his camera while a simple Italian plumber was burned,…
January 13, 2020 Everyone Wishes Man Would Stop Using Tongue to Twirl Control Stick in Mario Party Everyone Wishes Man Would Stop Using Tongue to Twirl Control Stick in Mario Party DENVER — A group of friends is appalled over one member’s insistence on using his tongue to spin the control stick in Mario Party mini…
October 19, 2018 DC Announces Movie Adaptation of Superman 64 DC Announces Movie Adaptation of Superman 64 BURBANK, Calif. — Warner Brothers has announced that the next edition in the DC Extended Universe will be an adaptation of the Nintendo 64 video…
September 1, 2018 Hackers Exploit N64 Hardware Glitch That Makes Mario Feel Real Pain Hackers Exploit N64 Hardware Glitch That Makes Mario Feel Real Pain TOKYO, Japan — The gaming community discovered yet another vulnerability in the classic Nintendo 64 console, which works in conjunction with the game Super Mario…
August 2, 2018 Bible Scholars Reveal Jesus Christ Played Shit-Ton of Mario Party Bible Scholars Reveal Jesus Christ Played Shit-Ton of Mario Party VATICAN CITY — Bible Scholars have determined that Jesus Christ’s hand injuries, previously thought to have been caused by crucifixion, were actually the result of…
June 21, 2018 Hard Drive History: The True Origin of Star Fox 64’s Iconic Characters Hard Drive History: The True Origin of Star Fox 64’s Iconic Characters Hard Drive History is back with the fascinating origins of each character from the hit Nintendo classic Star Fox 64!
