microsoft

Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually

LOS ANGELES — Todd Howard expressed regret that Bethesda’s E3 showcase was only about an hour long, because he would…

4 years ago

Divorced, Disheveled Bill Gates Announces Everyone Is Getting Free Xbox

MEDINA, Wash. — Desperately attempting to sway public opinion back into his favor after his divorce, billionaire Bill Gates announced…

4 years ago

Review: PS5 Undeniably Best Way to Play PS5 Games

The console wars are still a reality in the gaming world. Every year people rely on impartial reviewers to tell…

4 years ago

Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office

REDMOND, Wash. — Following Microsoft’s acquisition of Bethesda, new co-workers Master Chief and Doomguy had an awkward first day at…

4 years ago

Gamer Sick of Two-Console System

WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated…

4 years ago

Microsoft Introduces Donnie and Luca, the Two Guys Who’ll Be Going Around Collecting Xbox Payments

REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft revealed some further details about its new payment plans for its upcoming next generation consoles, introducing…

4 years ago

DVD Sales of ‘American History X’ Increase 750% Amid Xbox Series X Preorders

SEATTLE — The controversial 1998 crime film American History X experienced a 750% increase in DVD sales this week, as…

4 years ago

Nintendo in Panic Mode After Microsoft Acquires Luigi

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo has reportedly entered a full state of panic with executives blindsided after Microsoft announced that it…

4 years ago

Microsoft Announces Xbox All Access Will Now Include PS5

REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft announced that the new Xbox All Access monthly subscription would include an Xbox Series X console,…

4 years ago