December 15, 2017 Recorder Prodigy Accidentally Warps to Cleveland Recorder Prodigy Accidentally Warps to Cleveland EUGENE, Ore. — The case of Ellie Johnson, the 10 year-old girl that tragically and accidentally disappeared during her recent 5th grade class’ Christmas concert,…
November 24, 2017 Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo is preparing for the upcoming holiday season by making sure every remaining game and console are destroyed, with its critically lauded Switch…
November 20, 2017 New Reality TV Show ‘Dungeon Rescue’ to See Gordon Ramsay Critiquing Failing Evil Lairs New Reality TV Show ‘Dungeon Rescue’ to See Gordon Ramsay Critiquing Failing Evil Lairs LOS ANGELES — FOX announced today that celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay would spin off his popular Kitchen Nightmares TV series to address a type of…
October 12, 2017 Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right BERKELEY, Calif. — A controversial U.C. Berkeley study found that 80% of classic Nintendo characters believe that the Earth is flat, and also only moves…
September 28, 2017 Disrespectful Immigrant Protester Tears Down Flag Disrespectful Immigrant Protester Tears Down Flag MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Mario Mario, an illegal immigrant to Mushroom Kingdom from Italy, tore down a Bowser flag today after stomping on a group of…
July 23, 2017 Video Game Story Writer Considers Water Level His Ulysses Video Game Story Writer Considers Water Level His Ulysses LANSING, Mich. — Veteran gaming story writer Scott McCormick is reportedly exceptionally pleased with his latest work, the backstory of a water level in an…
July 11, 2017 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will become underwater levels within the…
June 28, 2017 I Don’t Care If You Agree With His Policies, Bowser Is Your King I Don’t Care If You Agree With His Policies, Bowser Is Your King Not your king, huh? Grow up. Quick question: are you a citizen of the Mushroom Kingdom? And is there a giant black flag with Bowser’s…
June 16, 2017 The Real Life Mario: This Man is in Charge of Fixing Plumbing Issues Caused by E3 The Real Life Mario: This Man is in Charge of Fixing Plumbing Issues Caused by E3 A few days ago at E3 we spoke to Ryan Jimenez, Los Angeles Convention Center’s head custodian and favorite plumber, who is basically just like…
