March 28, 2019 It’s-a No Fun Being-a Me: My-a Life With Super Mario Speech Disorder It’s-a No Fun Being-a Me: My-a Life With Super Mario Speech Disorder Since I was-a just a boy, I have been-a the only known patient with-a what psychologists have dubbed Super Mario Speech Disorder. My-a life is…
July 31, 2018 Underwater Level Detected on Mars Underwater Level Detected on Mars WASHINGTON — NASA announced on Wednesday that a 12-mile-wide underground lake has been detected near the Martian south pole, leading many in the scientific community…
May 19, 2018 Man With Super Mario Ringtone Still Waiting for First Phone Call Man With Super Mario Ringtone Still Waiting for First Phone Call TAMPA, Fla. — Local sources report that Brian Turner, 26, is still eagerly awaiting his first phone call since changing his ringtone to the iconic…
May 15, 2018 This is What Mario Would Look Like Without His Pubic Hair This is What Mario Would Look Like Without His Pubic Hair We’re used to how certain characters look in video games, right? And if they’re altered ever slightly, sometimes it can throw us for a loop.…
May 4, 2018 Sad Incel Doesn’t Get the Hint From Uninterested Girl Sad Incel Doesn’t Get the Hint From Uninterested Girl MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Plumber and noted loner Mario Mario has reportedly missed multiple verbal and nonverbal cues from Princess Peach, who has desperately tried to…
April 21, 2018 Mario Defends Italy’s WW2 Actions in Controversial Interview Mario Defends Italy’s WW2 Actions in Controversial Interview NEW DONK CITY — Iconic video game star Mario Mario is under fire for his controversial defense of Italy’s actions during World War 2 in…
February 28, 2018 Final Boss Paid 35 Times More Than Level 1 Minion Final Boss Paid 35 Times More Than Level 1 Minion MUSHROOM KINGDOM — A new study on wage distributions in Mushroom Kingdom by University of Toad Town has found the average final boss earns thirty-five…
February 5, 2018 Mario Sent into Existential Crisis After Losing Go-Kart Race to Baby Version of Self Mario Sent into Existential Crisis After Losing Go-Kart Race to Baby Version of Self MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following the first race of this year’s 150cc Star Cup, Mario was sent into an existential crisis, having finished several places behind…
February 2, 2018 Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today in a press release that the future Mario film will be directed by two large disembodied hands covered in…
