mario

Gamer Has Heard Good Things About ‘Super Mario Bros.’ But Never Played It

CHICAGO — During a conversation about video games with a friend at a recent house party, longtime gamer Phillip Krieger…

5 years ago

Museum of Natural History Acquires 4-Million Year Old Dry Bones

NEW YORK — Touting the new exhibit as a magnificent specimen of Koopa Troopa ancestry, the American Museum of Natural…

5 years ago

Dr. Mario Stitches Up Three Goombas in Stack for Horrifying ‘Goomba-Centipede’ Experiment

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — The perverted Dr. Mario has disgraced the medical community once again after stitching together three goomba victims…

5 years ago

Local Dullard Chooses Mario in Mario Kart

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — In a choice that demonstrated an astounding dearth of imagination, town simpleton Adam Tucker decided to…

5 years ago

Controversial Filmmaker Defends Choice to Keep Rolling as Italian Man Is Beaten to Death

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following a public outcry, auteur filmmaker Lakitu defended his decision to continue running his camera while a…

5 years ago

Exhausted Sakurai Announces Mario Coming to Smash Bros

TOKYO — Nintendo fans were left scratching their heads this morning following a surprise livestream where visibly exhausted Super Smash…

5 years ago

Jeff Bezos Bankrupt After Making Enough Money For Extra Life

SEATTLE — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos filed for bankruptcy earlier this week after amassing so much wealth that he appears…

5 years ago

Scuba Diver Runs Out of Air and Dies After Ignoring Music Getting Faster

SIPADAN ISLANDS, Malaysia — Scuba diver David Peterson, 38, died tragically yesterday around 6 p.m. local time after running out…

5 years ago