mario

Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes

KYOTO, Japan — Shigeru Miyamoto announced today that in order to make sure he lives up to his highest standards,…

4 years ago

Luigi Loses Left Eye In Collision With Rubber Bullet Bill

NEW DONK CITY — Beloved local hero Luigi was blinded in his left eye at a protest against police brutality…

4 years ago

Nintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA Sequence

KYOTO, Japan — After suffering a string of damaging data breaches and leaked trade secrets such as hardware specs and console…

4 years ago

Casual Fans at Mario Orchestra Concert Rudely Talking During Dire, Dire Docks

SYDNEY — A group of casual Mario fans annoyed fellow concertgoers at an orchestral show celebrating the franchise’s history, as…

4 years ago

‘Super Mario 3’ Sun Not Angry, Just Disappointed

WORLD 2 — The so-called “Angry Sun,” who has spent years scowling at people crossing the desert, is actually just…

5 years ago

Mario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 Pages

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Local Brooklynite Mario Mario was reportedly unable to get his resume under 10 pages following a bout…

5 years ago

World 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating App

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Continuing the trend of deceitful users of the Mushroom Kingdom’s dominant dating app, Mushd, a love-seeking Goomba…

5 years ago

Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World

PARIS — Panic broke out within the Louvre earlier this week when a tourist attempted to launch himself over the…

5 years ago

Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — In an attempt to save himself from certain death by walking directly off a platform, a local…

5 years ago