mario

Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality PurposesShigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes

Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes

KYOTO, Japan — Shigeru Miyamoto announced today that in order to make sure he lives up to his highest standards,…

5 years ago
Luigi Loses Left Eye In Collision With Rubber Bullet BillLuigi Loses Left Eye In Collision With Rubber Bullet Bill

Luigi Loses Left Eye In Collision With Rubber Bullet Bill

NEW DONK CITY — Beloved local hero Luigi was blinded in his left eye at a protest against police brutality…

5 years ago
Nintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA SequenceNintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA Sequence

Nintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA Sequence

KYOTO, Japan — After suffering a string of damaging data breaches and leaked trade secrets such as hardware specs and console…

5 years ago
Casual Fans at Mario Orchestra Concert Rudely Talking During Dire, Dire DocksCasual Fans at Mario Orchestra Concert Rudely Talking During Dire, Dire Docks

Casual Fans at Mario Orchestra Concert Rudely Talking During Dire, Dire Docks

SYDNEY — A group of casual Mario fans annoyed fellow concertgoers at an orchestral show celebrating the franchise’s history, as…

5 years ago
‘Super Mario 3’ Sun Not Angry, Just Disappointed‘Super Mario 3’ Sun Not Angry, Just Disappointed

‘Super Mario 3’ Sun Not Angry, Just Disappointed

WORLD 2 — The so-called “Angry Sun,” who has spent years scowling at people crossing the desert, is actually just…

5 years ago
Mario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 PagesMario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 Pages

Mario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 Pages

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Local Brooklynite Mario Mario was reportedly unable to get his resume under 10 pages following a bout…

5 years ago
World 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating AppWorld 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating App

World 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating App

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Continuing the trend of deceitful users of the Mushroom Kingdom’s dominant dating app, Mushd, a love-seeking Goomba…

5 years ago
Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa WorldGamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World

Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World

PARIS — Panic broke out within the Louvre earlier this week when a tourist attempted to launch himself over the…

5 years ago
Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His DeathGreen Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death

Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — In an attempt to save himself from certain death by walking directly off a platform, a local…

5 years ago