mario kart

Inside the Koopa Slaughterhouses That Fuel the Insatiable Kart Racing Industry

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — A controversial new investigation into the supply chain buttressing the extremely popular sport of Kart Racing sparked…

4 years ago

Sexual Tension Grows Between Mario Kart Live and Roomba

NEW YORK — Remarking that there’s been a strange, horny energy in his living room ever since the two electronic…

4 years ago

New York City Council Votes on Placement of Huge Booster Ramp to Decrease Traffic

NEW YORK — Tempers flared at city hall today as both sides made their opinions known about the potential addition…

4 years ago

Kart Racer Just Wanted to See If It Would Let Him Go Over There

ROYAL RACEWAY — A kart driver at the Royal Raceway Grand Prix was accused of trespassing on the grounds of…

4 years ago

Can You Violate the Geneva Conventions in Mario Kart DS, Kingdom Hearts 2, and Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare?

One of the earliest known (emphasis on ‘known’ here) cases of the United States committing war atrocities was around 1898.…

4 years ago

Local Dullard Chooses Mario in Mario Kart

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — In a choice that demonstrated an astounding dearth of imagination, town simpleton Adam Tucker decided to…

5 years ago

Charles Koch Doesn’t Understand Why Character in First Place Can’t Also Get Blue Shell

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Billionaire owner of Koch Industries Charles Koch recently gave a two-hour symposium at his alma mater MIT…

5 years ago

Report: Fuck Shit Goddamn Motherfucking Ass Shit Fuck

RALEIGH, N.C. — A lead change occurred in the final lap of the Rainbow Road Grand Prix last night during…

6 years ago

Mario Sent into Existential Crisis After Losing Go-Kart Race to Baby Version of Self

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following the first race of this year's 150cc Star Cup, Mario was sent into an existential crisis,…

7 years ago