February 6, 2021 Nintendo: Mario Will No Longer Come Back to Life Starting Next Week Nintendo: Mario Will No Longer Come Back to Life Starting Next Week KYOTO, Japan — A Nintendo press release has revealed that after decades of work as video games’ most iconic mascot, Mario will soon be dead…
January 8, 2021 Kart Racer Just Wanted to See If It Would Let Him Go Over There Kart Racer Just Wanted to See If It Would Let Him Go Over There ROYAL RACEWAY — A kart driver at the Royal Raceway Grand Prix was accused of trespassing on the grounds of Princess Peach’s Castle this morning,…
October 1, 2020 Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti SAN JOSE, Calif. — Famous Nintendo voice actor Charles Martinet has stepped down as the voice of Mario after failing to complete a big bowl…
September 21, 2020 Nintendo in Panic Mode After Microsoft Acquires Luigi Nintendo in Panic Mode After Microsoft Acquires Luigi KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo has reportedly entered a full state of panic with executives blindsided after Microsoft announced that it had acquired Luigi. “How is…
July 27, 2020 Moronic Dataminers Thrilled After Discovering Luigi In ‘Super Mario 64 DS’ Moronic Dataminers Thrilled After Discovering Luigi In ‘Super Mario 64 DS’ NEW YORK — Following a string of leaks of early builds and scrapped ideas for beloved Nintendo games, the emulation and modding community has been…
June 22, 2020 Luigi Loses Left Eye In Collision With Rubber Bullet Bill Luigi Loses Left Eye In Collision With Rubber Bullet Bill NEW DONK CITY — Beloved local hero Luigi was blinded in his left eye at a protest against police brutality yesterday, when he collided with…
February 2, 2018 Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today in a press release that the future Mario film will be directed by two large disembodied hands covered in…
