March 20, 2020 Sephora Launches New Majora’s Mask, Leaving Women Exfoliated and Burdened With Dark Magic Sephora Launches New Majora’s Mask, Leaving Women Exfoliated and Burdened With Dark Magic SEATTLE — Sephora patrons rushed into local stores early Friday for the launch of Majora’s Mask, Nintendo’s limited-time exfoliation product, only to complain days later…
March 9, 2020 Nintendo Sends DMCA Takedown to Man’s Arm for Triforce Tattoo Nintendo Sends DMCA Takedown to Man’s Arm for Triforce Tattoo ATLANTA — Video game company Nintendo has sent a cease and desist to local fan Denis Fernandez for his Legend of Zelda triforce tattoo, prompting…
July 31, 2019 Opinion: For All His Faults, Ganondorf Was a Patriot and a Man of Principle Opinion: For All His Faults, Ganondorf Was a Patriot and a Man of Principle Ganondorf Dragmire served Hyrule for seven years as it’s king and as we mourn his recent passing, it is important for us to reflect upon…
April 5, 2019 Ocarina Teacher Sighs Deeply as She’s Asked to Teach ‘Saria’s Song’ Yet Again Ocarina Teacher Sighs Deeply as She’s Asked to Teach ‘Saria’s Song’ Yet Again LOS ANGELES — Music teacher and ocarina virtuoso Marissa Harte let out a troubling and defeated sigh upon being asked yet again to teach a…
November 1, 2018 Trick or Treater Dressed as Link Mistaken for Peter Pan at Every House Trick or Treater Dressed as Link Mistaken for Peter Pan at Every House TOLEDO, Ohio — Clad in Link’s signature green tunic, a hand stitched hat, and prosthetic elf ears, eight-year-old Thomas McConnell has suffered what’s being described…
May 5, 2018 Favored Derby Horse Vanishes After Adventurer Whistles Two States Away Favored Derby Horse Vanishes After Adventurer Whistles Two States Away ADAIR, Okla. — Fans at today’s 114th Kentucky Derby were reportedly confused and terrified as they watched Justify, a favorite to win, get sucked into…
March 27, 2018 Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump surprised Americans today by replacing Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders with the talking owl who appeared in The Legend of…
December 9, 2017 ‘Breath of the Wild’ Player Finally Acquires Rare, Powerful Weapon to Look At and Never Use ‘Breath of the Wild’ Player Finally Acquires Rare, Powerful Weapon to Look At and Never Use COLUMBUS, Ohio — Luna Dalton came across a mighty weapon guaranteed to deal massive damage to her enemies while also being as fragile as spun…
