hedgehog

Sonic the Hedgehog Found Crushed to Death Inside Vegas Slot Machine

LAS VEGAS — Tragedy struck at the Bellagio Hotel & Casino today, as the squished and dismembered carcass of beloved…

4 years ago

It Gets Worse: New Report Reveals Michael Jackson’s Sonic 3 Soundtrack Was Also Arranged by OJ Simpson

Fans of Sega’s iconic blue hedgehog have been wondering for years why the company has stopped distributing 1994’s Sonic the…

5 years ago

Eccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the Cat

WYNNEWOOD, Okla. — Local Big the Cat owner and G.W. Zoo founder, Joe Exotic, insists that there is absolutely nothing…

5 years ago

If Sonic Water Levels Gave You Lifelong Anxiety, You May Be Entitled to Compensation

Thousands of gamers across the world are providing testimonials accusing Sonic The Hedgehog water levels of giving them lifelong anxiety…

5 years ago

Doctor Informs Knuckles That Those Are Actually Tumors on His Hands

STATION SQUARE — In a somber twist to an otherwise routine checkup, a doctor on call at Station Square Medical…

6 years ago

Paramount Buries Sonic Controversy With Brilliant New Kirby Design

LOS ANGELES — In a PR blitz designed to negate the backlash to their Sonic the Hedgehog live-action design, Paramount…

6 years ago

Furry Community Distances Self From Sonic the Hedgehog

RUMIA, Poland — At the ninth annual Gdakon Con, furries came from all over the world to fuck each other…

6 years ago

ACLU Publicly Drops Support for First Amendment After Discovering Sonic Fan Art

NEW YORK — In a press conference today, American Civil Liberties Union president Susan N. Herman announced that the organization…

6 years ago

Sonic the Hedgehog Visits Sick DeviantArt User for Make-A-Wish to Tell Him His OC is Canon

OSWEGO, N.Y. — Sonic the Hedgehog honored the Make-A-Wish request of 13-year-old DeviantArt regular Jake Applebaum, declaring his self-created character…

7 years ago