March 24, 2020 Terrified ‘Hearthstone’ Escapee Not Convinced ‘Slay the Spire’ Won’t Eventually Charge Him $40 for New Cards Terrified ‘Hearthstone’ Escapee Not Convinced ‘Slay the Spire’ Won’t Eventually Charge Him $40 for New Cards ARLINGTON, Texas — Local Hearthstone refugee and Slay the Spire player Jon Burke reportedly can’t shake the feeling that the roguelite card game won’t eventually…
February 12, 2019 Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip IRVINE, Calif. — After a recent earnings report announced record revenue, Activision-Blizzard initiated layoffs by handing out boxes to its 9,600 employees that had 8.3%…
June 27, 2018 White Guy Doesn’t Have Enough Mana to Play Race Card White Guy Doesn’t Have Enough Mana to Play Race Card CHICAGO — Local nerd Chris Patson found himself in a tight spot this morning during a political argument with his African American friend Carla Stevenson…
June 26, 2018 Gamer Jaded by Microtransactions Escapes to Local Trading Card Game Scene Gamer Jaded by Microtransactions Escapes to Local Trading Card Game Scene FREMONT, Calif. — After hemorrhaging more than $100 for characters, skins, and various downloadable content over the past year, 24-year-old Marvin Manalastas has quit online…
April 17, 2018 Recently Divorced Man Flicks Metaphorical Cigarette into Gasoline by Buying Magic the Gathering Starter Pack Recently Divorced Man Flicks Metaphorical Cigarette into Gasoline by Buying Magic the Gathering Starter Pack NANTICOKE, Pa. — After going through an arduous divorce, horrified witnesses reported that local resident Andrew Stone said “fuck it” under his breath to himself…
March 24, 2018 Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers IRVINE, Calif. — Early reports coming from Blizzard Entertainment’s newest venture, a newly opened downtown cafe, are indicating that the service is consistently incompetent and…
December 13, 2017 6 Years Ago I Decided to Invest in Either Bitcoin or Magic Cards and Now I’m Looking to Sell My Deck 6 Years Ago I Decided to Invest in Either Bitcoin or Magic Cards and Now I’m Looking to Sell My Deck As you have no doubt heard by now, Bitcoin prices are soaring up to $18,000, making many early adopters very, very rich. Six years ago,…
September 5, 2017 Fans of Beloved Franchise Anxiously Await Loosely Related Freemium iOS Game Fans of Beloved Franchise Anxiously Await Loosely Related Freemium iOS Game SAN FRANCISCO — Fans of the long running Quest of the Sage series expressed overwhelming enthusiasm today, after publisher Thunderstone announced the game’s latest entry…
