September 15, 2020 Vengeful God Moves On to Next Thing Tumblr Holds Dear Vengeful God Moves On to Next Thing Tumblr Holds Dear HIGHER REALM — Overcome with wrath and scorn, the ruler of the universe has reportedly taken the next step toward utterly destroying everything Tumblr loves.…
September 14, 2020 Experimental Book Features Unreliable Author Experimental Book Features Unreliable Author LONDON — Transgressive writer J.K Rowling has astonished audiences with her new book Troubled Blood, featuring herself as the story’s unreliable author. “It’s a fascinating…
September 14, 2020 JK Rowling Announces Personal Fantasy Novel JK Rowling Announces Personal Fantasy Novel LONDON — Harry Potter author JK Rowling has announced that her next novel, about a cisgender man who dresses as a woman in order to…
June 15, 2020 Progress: We Finally Have a Female Orson Scott Card Progress: We Finally Have a Female Orson Scott Card EDINBURGH — Young adult fiction fans are rejoicing as the literature world finally has a female equivalent to Orson Scott Card now that J.K. Rowling’s…
February 23, 2020 J.K. Rowling Reveals Harry Potter Would Vote for Michael Bloomberg in Obvious Advertising Campaign J.K. Rowling Reveals Harry Potter Would Vote for Michael Bloomberg in Obvious Advertising Campaign LONDON — In what fans are calling the most pathetic example of Michael Bloomberg’s viral campaign advertising, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling has announced on…
December 19, 2019 Pottermore Update Requires Picture of Genitals Before Confirming Gender Pottermore Update Requires Picture of Genitals Before Confirming Gender LONDON — A recent Pottermore update will now require users to upload pictures of their genitals in order to confirm their gender at the behest…
October 3, 2019 Self-Described ‘Gryffindor’ Lacks Courage to Hold Any Other Beliefs Self-Described ‘Gryffindor’ Lacks Courage to Hold Any Other Beliefs ATLANTA — Local Harry Potter fan and self-described “Gryffindor,” Daniel Wells, decidedly fails to live up to the courage associated with the identity he has…
May 14, 2019 Rick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson a Pansexual Fuck Machine Rick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson a Pansexual Fuck Machine BOSTON — Popular fantasy author Rick Riordan announced via Twitter today that his character Percy Jackson is a pansexual fuck machine, regularly engaging in “Olympic-esque…
March 28, 2019 Harry Potter Now Receiving Donation Requests From Hogwarts Harry Potter Now Receiving Donation Requests From Hogwarts LONDON — ‘The Boy Who Lived’ and now-famous Auror Harry Potter has reportedly been inundated by donation request owls from his alma mater, Hogwarts School…
