December 11, 2018 Weakest Squad Member Also Most Successful in Real Life Weakest Squad Member Also Most Successful in Real Life AKRON, Ohio — Local gamer Tim Gilbert is facing criticism from his friend group for focusing on his career and personal life rather than honing…
December 5, 2018 I Survived: My Mic Was Muted for Two Hours and No One Noticed I Survived: My Mic Was Muted for Two Hours and No One Noticed Heart palpitations. Cold sweats. “Why is no one listening to me?” I wondered to myself, rifling through a mental rolodex of every interaction I’d had…
October 28, 2018 Hard Drive Patch 1.4.0. Released Hard Drive Patch 1.4.0. Released Hello everyone, and welcome to Hard Drive, Version 1.4.0.! First of all, we would like to thank everyone for enjoying Hard Drive since its initial…
August 25, 2018 Professional Streamer Thanks Fans For Slowly Ruining His Favorite Hobby Professional Streamer Thanks Fans For Slowly Ruining His Favorite Hobby GRAYSLAKE, Ill. — At the end of a twelve hour stream last night, Manson Prate, known to his Twitch followers as CoolGate, thanked his viewers…
August 11, 2018 Shitty Waterfall In Dumbass Game Doesn’t Even Have Stupid Cave Behind It Shitty Waterfall In Dumbass Game Doesn’t Even Have Stupid Cave Behind It MODESTO, Calif. — Local gamer Ryan Aguirre discovered that, against all odds, the goddamn waterfall his character spotted from across the map in a video…
April 29, 2018 60-Year-Old Secretary Technically Professional Gamer 60-Year-Old Secretary Technically Professional Gamer COLLEGE STATION, Texas — Administrative official Joan Norman recently celebrated her 30th anniversary working a position at Texas A&M University, which sources have claimed consists…
August 19, 2017 One Dead, One Missing in Game Boy Battery Compartment One Dead, One Missing in Game Boy Battery Compartment ATLANTA — Local college student Gina Morris came upon a terrible atrocity inside her Game Boy Color this morning, where an innocent AA battery was…
August 12, 2017 Reclusive Arcade Gaming Legend AAA Returns to Face Rival ASS Reclusive Arcade Gaming Legend AAA Returns to Face Rival ASS NEW YORK — After years out of the limelight, mysterious gaming legend AAA finally plans to face his rival ASS in an epic showdown fans…
August 7, 2017 MMA Fighters Spend First Round Figuring out Their Moves MMA Fighters Spend First Round Figuring out Their Moves NEWARK, N.J. — A match-up on the undercard of last night’s Mayhem at the Metro event began unusually, as both fighters spent the first found…
