May 7, 2018 35 Year Old Coward Buys Strategy Guide 35 Year Old Coward Buys Strategy Guide ITHACA, N.Y. — Sources report that Manuel Contreras, a 35-year old bachelor, was recently recognized purchasing a God of War strategy guide, despite his pathetic…
April 7, 2018 GameStop Offers $13.75 for the Carolina Panthers GameStop Offers $13.75 for the Carolina Panthers CHARLOTTE, N.C.— Following the surprising announcement that the Carolina Panthers will be put up for sale in the wake sexual harassment allegations against team owner…
February 6, 2018 Local Grandpa Drops by GameStop to Ask for Directions to the Steam Store Local Grandpa Drops by GameStop to Ask for Directions to the Steam Store DENVER — Local grandfather Bill Willinkins drove his Lincoln Town Car to the GameStop in the Sutherland mall in an effort to find the birthday…
October 29, 2017 99-Year Old Former GameStop Employee Insists He Was Just Following Orders 99-Year Old Former GameStop Employee Insists He Was Just Following Orders HAGUE, Netherlands — On trial for a litany of crimes against humanity, ninety-nine year old former GameStop employee Max Sheehan insisted he was merely following…
October 23, 2017 GameStop Now Offering Pre-Returns of Assassin’s Creed Origins GameStop Now Offering Pre-Returns of Assassin’s Creed Origins GRAPEVINE, Texas — Video game retailer GameStop announced that for Ubisoft’s highly anticipated game, Assassin’s Creed Origins, it would allow customers to not only pre-order…
October 13, 2017 Haunted GameStop Found to be Built Atop Ancient Atari E.T. Game Burial Grounds Haunted GameStop Found to be Built Atop Ancient Atari E.T. Game Burial Grounds ALAMOGORDO, N.M. — A recently opened GameStop experiencing a rash of paranormal phenomena was discovered to be built atop the infamous landfill containing cartridges of…
September 13, 2017 God Punishes GameStop Employees for Building Funko Pop Tower Too High God Punishes GameStop Employees for Building Funko Pop Tower Too High STROUDSBURG, Penn. — Heavenly father of all creation God recently rained His anger down upon a group of arrogant GameStop employees who tried to build…
July 14, 2017 GameStop Employee Whips Himself in Back Room After Failing to Sell Pre-Order GameStop Employee Whips Himself in Back Room After Failing to Sell Pre-Order BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — GameStop sales representative Donald Simpson quietly walked to the employee breakroom and proceeded to whip himself after failing to convince a customer…
June 12, 2017 GameStop Unveils Used N64 at E3 GameStop Unveils Used N64 at E3 LOS ANGELES — Amid a packed auditorium, EDM music and swirling laser lights, GameStop CEO J. Paul Raines unveiled a used Nintendo 64 console made…
