May 27, 2018 Gamer Wishes Real Life Was Less Open World Gamer Wishes Real Life Was Less Open World OKLAHOMA CITY — Local gamer Emilie Brockview reportedly told friends that, despite loving open world gameplay in video games, she desperately yearns for more structure…
May 23, 2018 Man Never Had Game, But Played It at Friend’s House Man Never Had Game, But Played It at Friend’s House SEATTLE — Despite never owning a copy of 2002’s Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee, local gamer Andrew Schaefer revealed to reporters today that he was…
May 19, 2018 Man With Super Mario Ringtone Still Waiting for First Phone Call Man With Super Mario Ringtone Still Waiting for First Phone Call TAMPA, Fla. — Local sources report that Brian Turner, 26, is still eagerly awaiting his first phone call since changing his ringtone to the iconic…
May 14, 2018 Man Who Did Dishes Rewards Self With 8-Hour Gaming Binge Man Who Did Dishes Rewards Self With 8-Hour Gaming Binge DECATUR, Ga. — After local gamer Joe Massel spent thirty minutes washing a sinkful of dishes, he reportedly congratulated himself on completing the chore by…
May 8, 2018 Guy Who Can Tell Difference Between 60 and 100 FPS Lies About Other Stuff Too Guy Who Can Tell Difference Between 60 and 100 FPS Lies About Other Stuff Too FERNDALE, Wash. — At a recent LAN party, local PC gamer and prolific liar Chris Hartigan incorrectly suggested he could tell the difference between 60…
December 27, 2017 If We Want Video Games to be Taken Seriously as an Art Form, We Need to be Really Insufferable If We Want Video Games to be Taken Seriously as an Art Form, We Need to be Really Insufferable Video games represent the most radical shift in storytelling since the invention of the motion picture and the only way for us to get that…
June 14, 2017 High School Girlfriend Announces No Plans to Port Relationship to College High School Girlfriend Announces No Plans to Port Relationship to College LOS ANGELES — Graduating high school senior Cheryl Dowd announced she has no plans to port what has so far been a successful relationship with…
June 9, 2017 Here’s Why I Pre-Ordered the Sucker Edition for $2500 Here’s Why I Pre-Ordered the Sucker Edition for $2500 If you’re going to be a gamer, you need to know a good deal when you see one. When the gaming market went from hard…
June 5, 2017 Guidance Counselor Furious Professional Gamer An Actual Thing Now Guidance Counselor Furious Professional Gamer An Actual Thing Now ALBANY, N.Y. — High school guidance counselor Michelle Hollenbeck expressed profound anger today after learning competitive gaming has become a legitimate occupation. The furious educator…
