gamer

Gamer Wishes Real Life Was Less Open World

OKLAHOMA CITY — Local gamer Emilie Brockview reportedly told friends that, despite loving open world gameplay in video games, she…

6 years ago

Man Never Had Game, But Played It at Friend’s House

SEATTLE — Despite never owning a copy of 2002’s Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee, local gamer Andrew Schaefer revealed to…

6 years ago

Man With Super Mario Ringtone Still Waiting for First Phone Call

TAMPA, Fla. — Local sources report that Brian Turner, 26, is still eagerly awaiting his first phone call since changing…

7 years ago

Man Who Did Dishes Rewards Self With 8-Hour Gaming Binge

DECATUR, Ga. — After local gamer Joe Massel spent thirty minutes washing a sinkful of dishes, he reportedly congratulated himself…

7 years ago

Guy Who Can Tell Difference Between 60 and 100 FPS Lies About Other Stuff Too

FERNDALE, Wash. — At a recent LAN party, local PC gamer and prolific liar Chris Hartigan incorrectly suggested he could…

7 years ago

If We Want Video Games to be Taken Seriously as an Art Form, We Need to be Really Insufferable

Video games represent the most radical shift in storytelling since the invention of the motion picture and the only way…

7 years ago

High School Girlfriend Announces No Plans to Port Relationship to College

LOS ANGELES — Graduating high school senior Cheryl Dowd announced she has no plans to port what has so far…

7 years ago

Here’s Why I Pre-Ordered the Sucker Edition for $2500

If you’re going to be a gamer, you need to know a good deal when you see one. When the…

7 years ago

Guidance Counselor Furious Professional Gamer An Actual Thing Now

ALBANY, N.Y. — High school guidance counselor Michelle Hollenbeck expressed profound anger today after learning competitive gaming has become a…

7 years ago