fps

Teammate With One Damage Uses Max Health Potion

TAMPA, Fla. — Local gamer Scott Porter faced condemnation from teammates for drinking a Max Health potion when he only…

4 years ago

Valorant Player Disappointment to All His Friends in Real Life Too

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen continues to frustrate his friends with a total lack of awareness and poor…

4 years ago

And When There Was Only One Set of Kills in Duos, That Was When I Carried You

One night I dreamed a team. As I was walking along the storage town with my Lord, Across the dark…

4 years ago

Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping

SHEBOYGAN, Wisc. — In an impromptu meeting reacting to the release of the latest game in the controversial Satanic-themed first-person…

5 years ago

Woman Worried to Find Room Full of Ammo and Health Before Performance Review

LANSING, Mich. — Due to her familiarity with the visual indicators that a major boss battle was about to unfold,…

5 years ago

Marine Throws Away Magazine With 29/30 Bullets Just In Case

KABUL, Afghanistan — Journalists embedded with a U.S. Marine unit in Afghanistan have recently uncovered millions of dollars in wasteful…

6 years ago

Quiz: How The Fuck Did That Hit Me!?

God-fucking-dammit. Here I am playing Overwatch and trying to carry my dumbass team to victory. Or at least I would…

6 years ago

Grandpa’s Kill/Death Ratio Shifts to 0:1

SEATTLE — Local grandfather Herbert Schumeister’s 93-year-long kill/death ratio shifted from 0:0 to 0:1 today, following his death from natural…

6 years ago

Guy Who Can Tell Difference Between 60 and 100 FPS Lies About Other Stuff Too

FERNDALE, Wash. — At a recent LAN party, local PC gamer and prolific liar Chris Hartigan incorrectly suggested he could…

7 years ago