fps

Teammate With One Damage Uses Max Health PotionTeammate With One Damage Uses Max Health Potion

Teammate With One Damage Uses Max Health Potion

TAMPA, Fla. — Local gamer Scott Porter faced condemnation from teammates for drinking a Max Health potion when he only…

4 years ago
Valorant Player a Disappointment to All His Friends in Real Life TooValorant Player a Disappointment to All His Friends in Real Life Too

Valorant Player Disappointment to All His Friends in Real Life Too

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen continues to frustrate his friends with a total lack of awareness and poor…

5 years ago
And When There Was Only One Set of Kills in Duos, That Was When I Carried YouAnd When There Was Only One Set of Kills in Duos, That Was When I Carried You

And When There Was Only One Set of Kills in Duos, That Was When I Carried You

One night I dreamed a team. As I was walking along the storage town with my Lord, Across the dark…

5 years ago
Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage CampingChristian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping

Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping

SHEBOYGAN, Wisc. — In an impromptu meeting reacting to the release of the latest game in the controversial Satanic-themed first-person…

5 years ago
Woman Worried to Find Room Full of Ammo and Health Before Performance ReviewWoman Worried to Find Room Full of Ammo and Health Before Performance Review

Woman Worried to Find Room Full of Ammo and Health Before Performance Review

LANSING, Mich. — Due to her familiarity with the visual indicators that a major boss battle was about to unfold,…

5 years ago
Marine Throws Away Magazine With 29/30 Bullets Just In CaseMarine Throws Away Magazine With 29/30 Bullets Just In Case

Marine Throws Away Magazine With 29/30 Bullets Just In Case

KABUL, Afghanistan — Journalists embedded with a U.S. Marine unit in Afghanistan have recently uncovered millions of dollars in wasteful…

6 years ago
Quiz: How The Fuck Did That Hit Me!?Quiz: How The Fuck Did That Hit Me!?

Quiz: How The Fuck Did That Hit Me!?

God-fucking-dammit. Here I am playing Overwatch and trying to carry my dumbass team to victory. Or at least I would…

7 years ago
Grandpa’s Kill/Death Ratio Shifts to 0:1Grandpa’s Kill/Death Ratio Shifts to 0:1

Grandpa’s Kill/Death Ratio Shifts to 0:1

SEATTLE — Local grandfather Herbert Schumeister’s 93-year-long kill/death ratio shifted from 0:0 to 0:1 today, following his death from natural…

7 years ago
Guy Who Can Tell Difference Between 60 and 100 FPS Lies About Other Stuff TooGuy Who Can Tell Difference Between 60 and 100 FPS Lies About Other Stuff Too

Guy Who Can Tell Difference Between 60 and 100 FPS Lies About Other Stuff Too

FERNDALE, Wash. — At a recent LAN party, local PC gamer and prolific liar Chris Hartigan incorrectly suggested he could…

7 years ago