April 18, 2021 Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs VATICAN CITY — Following an announcement from Vatican officials that Pope Francis has started playing video games to pass time during quarantine, the Pope has…
August 20, 2020 Huge OST Fan Has Never Actually Finished Final Fantasy 6 Soundtrack Huge OST Fan Has Never Actually Finished Final Fantasy 6 Soundtrack PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Darcy Martin, an alleged superfan of original video game soundtracks, has revealed that he has never actually finished listening to the beloved…
August 4, 2020 Alex Jones Announces ‘InfoWars Tactics’ Alex Jones Announces ‘InfoWars Tactics’ DALLAS, Texas — Claiming that the new game would revolutionize the long running InfoWars franchise, far-right radio host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones unveiled a…
July 23, 2020 Racist JRPG Fan Casts Heal on Entire Party Whenever Black Character Injured Racist JRPG Fan Casts Heal on Entire Party Whenever Black Character Injured BOSTON — Offending his viewers by asserting that all of his characters’ hit points matter equally, JRPG enthusiast and known racist William Jepsen came under…
June 8, 2020 AOC Grafts Gun Onto Arm, Demands You Hear the Planet’s Cries of Pain AOC Grafts Gun Onto Arm, Demands You Hear the Planet’s Cries of Pain NEW YORK, N.Y. — Gesturing wildly with the large machine gun that had been recently surgically grafted onto her right arm, U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez…
April 10, 2020 Final Fantasy VII Remake’s Easy Mode Is Way Too Easy and Its Hard Mode Is Way Too Hard Final Fantasy VII Remake’s Easy Mode Is Way Too Easy and Its Hard Mode Is Way Too Hard Once upon a time there was a game called Final Fantasy VII Remake. I booted up the game and saw on the start menu there…
February 18, 2020 Final Fantasy 7 Remake Preorder Bonus Includes One-Third of a Keychain Final Fantasy 7 Remake Preorder Bonus Includes One-Third of a Keychain TOKYO — Square Enix has revealed a list of GameStop preorder bonuses for the upcoming Final Fantasy VII Remake, which includes one-third of a keychain…
January 16, 2020 Gamer Wishes There Was Some Way to Play FFVII Right Now Gamer Wishes There Was Some Way to Play FFVII Right Now SANTA FE, N.M. — Blindsided by the delay of its upcoming remake, Square Enix fan Derick Stanley tells reporters he would give anything to play…
June 27, 2019 Final Fantasy VII Remake Finds Middle Ground by Giving Tifa Third, Average-Sized Breast Final Fantasy VII Remake Finds Middle Ground by Giving Tifa Third, Average-Sized Breast TOKYO — Among growing complaints about the size of Final Fantasy VII character Tifa’s breasts in the upcoming remake, Square Enix announced today that they…
