May 7, 2020 Facebook Game Ad Actually Government Recruiting Device to Contract Earth’s Most Skilled Military Tacticians Facebook Game Ad Actually Government Recruiting Device to Contract Earth’s Most Skilled Military Tacticians WASHINGTON — Top government sources have revealed that the Facebook advertisement for a game called Douse The Goblin! is actually a military recruiting device to…
April 22, 2020 Facebook Employee Wastes Whole Day on Facebook Again Facebook Employee Wastes Whole Day on Facebook Again MENLO PARK — With a wave of disappointment washing over himself for squandering another potentially productive day, an employee at Facebook headquarters was reportedly distraught…
March 18, 2020 Quarantine Leaves Introvert Home Alone with Nobody to Tell About What an Introvert He Is Quarantine Leaves Introvert Home Alone with Nobody to Tell About What an Introvert He Is NEW YORK — Self-described introvert Barry Laughlin is reportedly struggling to stay sane during the 14-day coronavirus quarantine period, complaining that the isolation has left…
January 25, 2020 Shitty Ass Video Doesn’t Have Goddamn Captions Shitty Ass Video Doesn’t Have Goddamn Captions GREENVILLE, S.C. — Social media user Katie Orkin was seen mumbling curse words under her breath and clenching her fist in frustration earlier this week…
August 14, 2019 Relaunched StumbleUpon Shuffles User Between Twitter, Reddit, and Facebook Relaunched StumbleUpon Shuffles User Between Twitter, Reddit, and Facebook SAN FRANCISCO — The creators of the once-popular website StumbleUpon announced today they are relaunching the service for the modern internet era and will allow…
July 12, 2019 Man Willing to Free Aliens From Base Before Children From Cages Man Willing to Free Aliens From Base Before Children From Cages CALIENTE, Nev. — Subreddit moderator for r/RealAliens Devin Byam told sources Friday that, while he would absolutely be willing to free any extraterrestrials he is…
March 15, 2019 Facebook Tells Shooter He Could Reach More People If He Boosts Post For $50 Facebook Tells Shooter He Could Reach More People If He Boosts Post For $50 SAN FRANCISCO — The Facebook algorithm informed a terrorist yesterday that his video of a horrific mass shooting that murdered forty-nine Muslims in New Zealand…
February 7, 2019 Dead Aunt Still Sends Candy Crush Requests Dead Aunt Still Sends Candy Crush Requests ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Despite having passed away months ago, local woman Allie Larkin’s aunt Sandra Kelly is reportedly still sending Larkin regular requests to…
August 26, 2018 Report: Every Online Friend You Haven’t Heard From in a While Is Dead Report: Every Online Friend You Haven’t Heard From in a While Is Dead WASHINGTON — A new report by the Department of Health and Human Services confirmed today that the online friends you once interacted with on a…
