elon musk

Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet

AUSTIN, Texas — Wiping tears from his eyes at a recent press conference, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk revealed that the…

4 years ago

Elon Musk Unveils New Single Person Hyperloop

AMIGARA — In a press conference today, Boring Company founder Elon Musk unveiled the latest redesign of his Hyperloop transportation…

4 years ago

CD Projekt Red Hires Elon Musk to Oversee All Future Failed Launches

WARSAW — Following the tumultuous release of their long anticipated RPG CyberPunk 2077, CD Projekt Red has appointed entrepreneur and…

4 years ago

Elon Musk Announces He’s Raising His Son Without Pronouns or Friends

SAN FRANCISCO — Tesla, Inc. CEO Elon Musk announced today that he will be raising his son X Æ A-Xii…

4 years ago

Grimes and Elon Musk Reveal They Named Child to Give Him Infinite Money Cheat

HILLSBOROUGH, Calif. — Pop singer Grimes and Elon Musk recently announced that their son X Æ A-XII’s unusual name was…

4 years ago

Tesla Releases Cheaper Model With 5 Second Advertisements Before Letting You Brake

LOS ANGELES — At an unveiling at the Tesla Design Studio, CEO Elon Musk presented a new, cheaper base model…

4 years ago

REPORT: Self-Driving Cars 95% Less Likely to Pull Off Sick Donuts in 7/11 Parking Lot

PALO ALTO, Calif. — A disheartening new report from Tesla concluded earlier this week that self-driving cars are still years…

5 years ago

Tesla Board Begging Elon Musk to Just Open Whimsical Chocolate Factory Already

PALO ALTO, Calif. — A letter to Tesla CEO Elon Musk from the rest of the company’s Board of Directors…

6 years ago

Insufferable Alien Brags About Running Human Universe Simulation on Linux

PLUCART SYSTEM — Local alien Blixbor Raxorit once again boastfully yammered on about his Linux-based human life simulator called ‘Earth,’…

6 years ago