elon musk

Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There YetElon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet

Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet

AUSTIN, Texas — Wiping tears from his eyes at a recent press conference, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk revealed that the…

4 years ago
Elon Musk Unveils New Single Person HyperloopElon Musk Unveils New Single Person Hyperloop

Elon Musk Unveils New Single Person Hyperloop

AMIGARA — In a press conference today, Boring Company founder Elon Musk unveiled the latest redesign of his Hyperloop transportation…

4 years ago
CD Projekt Red Hires Elon Musk to Oversee All Future Failed LaunchesCD Projekt Red Hires Elon Musk to Oversee All Future Failed Launches

CD Projekt Red Hires Elon Musk to Oversee All Future Failed Launches

WARSAW — Following the tumultuous release of their long anticipated RPG CyberPunk 2077, CD Projekt Red has appointed entrepreneur and…

4 years ago
Elon Musk Announces He’s Raising His Son Without Pronouns or FriendsElon Musk Announces He’s Raising His Son Without Pronouns or Friends

Elon Musk Announces He’s Raising His Son Without Pronouns or Friends

SAN FRANCISCO — Tesla, Inc. CEO Elon Musk announced today that he will be raising his son X Æ A-Xii…

4 years ago
Grimes and Elon Musk Reveal They Named Child to Give Him Infinite Money CheatGrimes and Elon Musk Reveal They Named Child to Give Him Infinite Money Cheat

Grimes and Elon Musk Reveal They Named Child to Give Him Infinite Money Cheat

HILLSBOROUGH, Calif. — Pop singer Grimes and Elon Musk recently announced that their son X Æ A-XII’s unusual name was…

5 years ago
Tesla Releases Cheaper Model With 5 Second Advertisements Before Letting You BrakeTesla Releases Cheaper Model With 5 Second Advertisements Before Letting You Brake

Tesla Releases Cheaper Model With 5 Second Advertisements Before Letting You Brake

LOS ANGELES — At an unveiling at the Tesla Design Studio, CEO Elon Musk presented a new, cheaper base model…

5 years ago
REPORT: Self-Driving Cars 95% Less Likely to Pull Off Sick Donuts in 7/11 Parking LotREPORT: Self-Driving Cars 95% Less Likely to Pull Off Sick Donuts in 7/11 Parking Lot

REPORT: Self-Driving Cars 95% Less Likely to Pull Off Sick Donuts in 7/11 Parking Lot

PALO ALTO, Calif. — A disheartening new report from Tesla concluded earlier this week that self-driving cars are still years…

6 years ago
Tesla Board Begging Elon Musk to Just Open Whimsical Chocolate Factory AlreadyTesla Board Begging Elon Musk to Just Open Whimsical Chocolate Factory Already

Tesla Board Begging Elon Musk to Just Open Whimsical Chocolate Factory Already

PALO ALTO, Calif. — A letter to Tesla CEO Elon Musk from the rest of the company’s Board of Directors…

6 years ago
Insufferable Alien Brags About Running Human Universe Simulation on LinuxInsufferable Alien Brags About Running Human Universe Simulation on Linux

Insufferable Alien Brags About Running Human Universe Simulation on Linux

PLUCART SYSTEM — Local alien Blixbor Raxorit once again boastfully yammered on about his Linux-based human life simulator called ‘Earth,’…

7 years ago