election

Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All

WASHINGTON — After initially claiming he was going to hold out until more exclusive next-gen titles became available, President Donald…

4 years ago

Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on Blinking Weak Spot

PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas…

4 years ago

Gamer Sick of Two-Console System

WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated…

4 years ago

Gamer Buys Both Nate Silver and Nate Gold Versions to Get Full Results

ERIE, Pa. — Local gamer Glenn Rice reportedly purchased both Nate Silver and Nate Gold versions of the 2020 presidential…

4 years ago

Jeffrey Toobin Announces He Failed ‘No Nut November’

NEW YORK — New Yorker reporter Jeffrey Toobin announced on social media today that he failed the viral internet challenge…

4 years ago

Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing…

4 years ago

Horrible Goose Caught Scaring Voters Away From Early Voting Site

KEENE, Ky. — Several Keene residents have reported cases of voter intimidation at the small town’s early voting location, noting…

4 years ago

‘America Will Look Vastly Different After November,’ Says Man Discussing ‘Hyrule Warriors’ Launch Day

WASHINGTON — Warning his friends and loved ones of the coming weeks and months of uncertainty, local politico Philippe Cruz…

4 years ago

Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems

In our political climate, there is no lack of problems to be solved. Climate change, student loan debt, trade disputes.…

5 years ago