July 31, 2020 Report: Elimination of Video Game Load Times Will Decimate “Quick Tip” Industry Report: Elimination of Video Game Load Times Will Decimate “Quick Tip” Industry STANFORD, Calif. — According to new research, the “no load times” promise from next-gen consoles will eliminate the need for loading screen quick tips, spelling…
May 30, 2020 Skyrim ‘Pandemic Update’ Increases Shout Damage by 1,000 Percent Skyrim ‘Pandemic Update’ Increases Shout Damage by 1,000 Percent ROCKVILLE, Md. — Bethesda Softworks announced a new “Pandemic Update” for their hit RPG, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, in which the player character will…
May 26, 2020 Bethesda Announces New $1200 Definitive Skyrim Edition Bethesda Announces New $1200 Definitive Skyrim Edition ROCKVILLE, Md. — Bethesda has announced a new definitive version of the popular video game Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, to be released exclusively in North…
May 6, 2020 Todd Howard Delays Elder Scrolls VI Due to ‘Corona-18 or Whatever’ Todd Howard Delays Elder Scrolls VI Due to ‘Corona-18 or Whatever’ ROCKVILLE, Md. — At a press conference held earlier today, Bethesda director Todd Howard was relieved to announce that the highly anticipated Elder Scrolls VI…
March 21, 2020 Real Life Also Harder on Veteran Mode Real Life Also Harder on Veteran Mode DES MOINES, Iowa — After returning from Iraq in January, former Marine and current Elder Scrolls Online enthusiast Zach Meyers has found real life to…
March 21, 2020 Steam Friend You Don’t Remember Adding Is Playing Morrowind Again Steam Friend You Don’t Remember Adding Is Playing Morrowind Again SAN DIEGO — While waiting for members of his Monster Hunter group to gather up early yesterday evening, local gamer Vincent McKay reported yet another…
March 19, 2020 Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever Sure, thousands of people have died in the coronavirus pandemic. But you know who else is about to die? A shipload of dungeons bosses now…
November 27, 2019 Tearful Todd Howard Leaves Barely Finished Game in Basket at Modder’s Front Door Tearful Todd Howard Leaves Barely Finished Game in Basket at Modder’s Front Door ROCKVILLE, Md. — Todd Howard was seen tearfully leaving a barely finished video game in a basket at a modder’s house late at night last…
June 26, 2019 Shocked Tank Receives 60,000 Gold Bill After Using Out-of-Network Healer Shocked Tank Receives 60,000 Gold Bill After Using Out-of-Network Healer RAWL’KHA, Reaper’s March — After receiving care from a High Elf healer during a veteran run of Moon Hunter Keep, local tank Polishes-Bowls was shocked…
