doom

Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office

REDMOND, Wash. — Following Microsoft’s acquisition of Bethesda, new co-workers Master Chief and Doomguy had an awkward first day at…

4 years ago

Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping

SHEBOYGAN, Wisc. — In an impromptu meeting reacting to the release of the latest game in the controversial Satanic-themed first-person…

5 years ago

Cops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s Computer

GLEN ROCK, N.J. — After sixteen-year-old Alex Stone opened fire at Glen Rock High School, killing ten students and injuring…

6 years ago

Terrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOM

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Several graduate students associated with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Media Lab have taken shelter in a…

7 years ago

Violent Video Games Argument Receives HD Remaster

WASHINGTON — Fans of recycled arguments rejoiced earlier this week, as President Donald Trump unveiled an updated, high definition remaster…

7 years ago

Study Suggests Link Between Violent Video Games and Some Goddamn Time to Myself for One Night

WORCESTER, Mass. — A new landmark study published today by my fiancée and son suggests a strong link between violent…

7 years ago

Violent Video Games Taught My Son to Escape the Cage I Kept Him in and Kill People

When you expose your children to violent video games, it alters the chemicals in their brains as they mature. Their…

7 years ago