doom

Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the OfficeDoomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office

Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office

REDMOND, Wash. — Following Microsoft’s acquisition of Bethesda, new co-workers Master Chief and Doomguy had an awkward first day at…

4 years ago
Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage CampingChristian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping

Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping

SHEBOYGAN, Wisc. — In an impromptu meeting reacting to the release of the latest game in the controversial Satanic-themed first-person…

5 years ago
Cops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s ComputerCops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s Computer

Cops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s Computer

GLEN ROCK, N.J. — After sixteen-year-old Alex Stone opened fire at Glen Rock High School, killing ten students and injuring…

7 years ago
Terrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOMTerrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOM

Terrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOM

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Several graduate students associated with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Media Lab have taken shelter in a…

7 years ago
Violent Video Games Argument Receives HD RemasterViolent Video Games Argument Receives HD Remaster

Violent Video Games Argument Receives HD Remaster

WASHINGTON — Fans of recycled arguments rejoiced earlier this week, as President Donald Trump unveiled an updated, high definition remaster…

7 years ago
Study Suggests Link Between Violent Video Games and Some Goddamn Time to Myself for One NightStudy Suggests Link Between Violent Video Games and Some Goddamn Time to Myself for One Night

Study Suggests Link Between Violent Video Games and Some Goddamn Time to Myself for One Night

WORCESTER, Mass. — A new landmark study published today by my fiancée and son suggests a strong link between violent…

7 years ago
Violent Video Games Taught My Son to Escape the Cage I Kept Him in and Kill PeopleViolent Video Games Taught My Son to Escape the Cage I Kept Him in and Kill People

Violent Video Games Taught My Son to Escape the Cage I Kept Him in and Kill People

When you expose your children to violent video games, it alters the chemicals in their brains as they mature. Their…

7 years ago